A Normal Day vs Abnormal Feelings

My Sunday

Woke up on time, had a glass of mango milk shake and went out with cousin to Gardens. We planned to watch Transformers. Okay, I know, MFG already warned me that I might not get ticket if I don't book my seats. But the thing was, cousin tried to book but the whole GSC on-line booking was not working, and GSC Signature is not in the list for phone booking. Told MFG finger crossed that not many people would want to pay double the price for the movie.

So I was wrong, which was half expected and half hopeful. So no tickets for the whole day unless until 11.55pm. Even gold class at 60 bucks per ticket was not available. Hmm... If I was staying just across Gardens, I would have bought the midnight show tickets and went back to watch the show, so what if I'm going to be sleeping at work the next day right!

But no... Since we don't stay across the mall, we bought tickets for ourselves for next Saturday instead. 6pm. Done! No more being disappointed for not being able to get tickets. I know I know, we could have gotten seats at the other bigger cinemas. Okay, I was lazy to go around. I normally have MC and BIL taking care of my movie tickets. Oh, and cousin bro went for this show on Friday! Should have known and gotten him to get us our tickets too. Humph...

Went for my comfort drink at Starbucks, browsed some books and bought two food magazines with recipes I like and need. (Something nagging me - If I really want to do TeaRoom anytime soon, I need to have the savoury items experimented and recipes confirmed. So I guess this is one of the reasons why God has arranged for mum to delay/ terminate my TeaRoom plan. I hope it's only for now. I'll get on with the savoury items, I promise.)

Went to the pet shop and surprisingly I got what I wanted. (I thought this was the day I don't get what I want because that nagging feeling in my head told me so)

Came home, no traffic, everything was fine.

(okay, this post is getting very long even before I get into that strange feeling of mine which I want to tell, maybe you skip this part and go straight to My Feelings part)

Came home, changed for some home yoga and before I started, I got a call from the customer who wanted to order the birthday cake for next Saturday. She said my price is expensive. I explained to her that her request for the figure 2 cake requires at least double the normal portion of cake, hence the increase in price. She sounded like she wanted to confirm the order. I am not quite sure, I better check with her again. I need to get started with her cake on Wednesday if she's serious about ordering. Meen has also confirmed her wedding cake order, pending confirmation of design, which she said she will email me last night but hasn't.

Did a half hour - 45 minute yoga. Sweat out a lot. Got a bit of headache maybe due to my attempts of the head stands (fail lah of course, couldn't even take both of my legs off the floor for even one second).

Dinner was okay. Had porridge which is one of my my favorite foods.

Decorated a cake, it's for my graphics designer as a present for designing my TeaRoom name cards. The name cards look great, she gave me two designs some more! I cannot make up my mind, I need minor changes and quickly send for printing. I suppose this might cheer me up.

It's getting late...

My Feelings

Very strange. It's hard to explain but I told MC (who's now in Australia with BIL, sent her off yesterday morning) that it's like the feeling of homesick. Okay, what kind of feeling is homesick? I AM at HOME!

It's like as though I'm in a place I'm so unfamiliar and I'm not going about with things the best way. It can't be just because I couldn't get tickets to Transformer, can it? I've got tickets for next Saturday what...

I'm kind of getting a nagging feeling of missing something really important, and that I'm lacking time in completing. I don't even know what it is. Could it be my TeaRoom savoury menu? But... TeaRoom is not on, at least not for now until Her Majesty My Mother allows me. Maybe she's gonna give me "permission" tomorrow?!

It's also like I'm losing something, someone... yeah, it's like losing MFG all over again kind of feeling. BUT, I've never had him and his file was supposed to be closed. Maybe there's something I didn't know.

Maybe because I'm not looking forward to my busy week ahead? It's quite tough and since I've already taken Wednesday half day and next wednesday full day, it's not good to take Friday off. Maybe I should't have taken the second order? I dont' think the price charged is actually worth my time honestly, but I'm not a celebrity baker who can charge high price. And customer already said I'm charging too high of a price... You think she's going to cancel her order? :p

Or, maybe I miss MC too much. I'm so used to having her around that not even cousin sis' company can help me. I still miss her even though I've just spoken to her on Skype an hour ago. Can it be this? But she was perviously away for 11 years what.

The feelings are also like this...

I feel like as though tomorrow is my first day at a new job; it's like going to school knowing that I didn't do my homework; it's like having left only RM10 and pay day is another 10 days away; it's like going back to work after 1 month's holiday; it's like as though I have to leave the country for overseas study; it's like knowing MFG doesn't like me and I'll never see him again; it also felt like I bought a two thousand ringgit handbag which I don't like AND I can't have it refund.

Very weird right???

Maybe it's hormone change. I was about to say maybe I'm thinking too much, but I can't even put my finger down onto what is it I'm thinking now... I have a huge piece of rock sitting on my stomach and a shadow over my head.

I actually feel much better now after typing all these. If you are still reading this, you are the most patient reader I've known!

Oh! It also feel like I'm having amnesia, there's a piece of information missing in my head.

Nicknames

The other night when I was having dinner with LGM (yes, that one long time ago) and I was really thinking hard at one point the real name of "& Co." which at the end LGM provided, very helpfully, his name as "& Co.". Haha... and I think LGM and LP refer me as TTB in their conversations. I was telling LGM I bumped into "Steve" at gym but in fact I meant BO, just that I used the name BO so much I almost forgot his real name.

We are heavy instant messaging users in the office and IN CASE anyone come across our conversations, we actually nick people in the office, e.g. BB (big boss). Whoopss... I hope he doesn't read this, there goes his identity!

Lately, if you have also read, there's this new colleague of mine whom I don't like since day one... FYI I still don't like him. I was sending MC (okay, I do remember MC's real name!) a text message the other day and I was lazy to type out The-One-I-Hate-Since-Day-One, so I typed T 1 I H S D 1.

Then MC replied to say, "huh! Who? Is this a virus like H1N1?"

Mwah hahaha... okay. Yes! Very apt. Hence T1IHSD1 is called Virus 1 from then on.

I told BB today that I am not confident towards Virus 1's ability in certain job tasks. However, my BB (yeee... this nickname can sound a bit intimate at times) said he has full confidence. So, okay lah, I'll just make all changes according to Virus 1, and will implement all his suggestions then.

I don't care I don't care I don't care.

I cannot be bothered lah, why do I want to stress myself out from standing my ground at work when it doesn't benefit me? Might as well save some brain cells for designing my cakes.

Talking about cakes, I've a confirmed wedding cake order for next Saturday, it's my ex-colleague's wedding. THEN just now I got an inquiry on a birthday cake for the same day. By right I should be fine to handle two deliveries but this a figure birthday cake request. It's going to take a lot of time. Maybe quote her the price first, it's going to be a bit costly since figure cake is a waste of cake (you need to cut out the shape hence throwing away the not needed parts) and customer might not want to spend that kind of money.

Okay, sleep first think later.

What happened after I've cancelled my TeaRoom plan...

I sulked for many days of course.


I've also spoke to a lot of people, face to face, on instant chat... MFG was on line the very moment mum was speaking to me about her objection towards my business plans. MFG thought it should be just a postpone and not cancellation.


MC was the one who gave me most views of course being able to also tell me about her views towards mum. MC said she's "cold hearted" so will do things she wishes and not do things for mum.


I told many people that mum is going to only live another 10, 20 or 30 years, so do I want to go against her wish and let her be unhappy for the rest of her life? Then again, she might or might not be happy about my business in the future.


Why is mum so head strong against my potential success in my own business?


Well, she said it's for my good, my perfect retirement arrangement should be retiring from a full time employment with sufficient EPF funds. She feels that there is no point doing TeaRoom because I'm all for glamour and showing off (?? yes, she thinks so...). She doesn't agree in me using my own money for business (who's money can I use?). If there's a big eatery chain who wants to pay me to work with them, then yes (What's the point?).


Spoke to my ex-boss, my supposed investor of TeaRoom and he said Mum Management is important, it's about painting the future and working things towards her expectation. But he said think of myself 20 years from now IF I don't start up TeaRoom because of mum, how would I feel? He feels that I should do what I want to do and not what others want me to do. (This applies to mum too?)

So basically, after I decided to cancel TeaRoom plan the last few days, I've lost my direction in life, I don't know what to dream of (unless I continue dreaming of TeaRoom, in my dreams) and I cannot picture myself retiring from a nine to five desk job. The drive of fulfilling the TeaRoom Dream is that strong...

Book?

Sometimes I wish I can find all answers from the book. But then again, do I want to always do things by the book?

TeaRoom the commercial plan is cancelled

Basically have no choice when your mother disapprove your plan in life you know.

I'll still be taking order from home, but the dream outlet will not be opened. sigh...

Thanks for your support.

Contradiction continues

The making of "gym"

Blog Ed aka LGM said we shall join pump on Monday at The Curve. And she will try join me in RPM. Arr... we are doing 2 classes is it?

I used to be very hardcore in working out at gym. At one point when I was doing my PT, my stamina and strength were very good. I was surprised then that there were so much more I could manage in my workout.

Lately, I've became a bit lazy. I'm actually a bit tired. So when I had to bake and prepare for a delivery, I will skip gym so that I can get more sleep. I used to go gym first and then go back and do my baking. But not anymore, don't seem to be able to manage. I feel that I'm also loosing the "radiant" and dark eye circle getting worse. Then again, the cake decorations have become much more complicated and time consuming so I don't think I can spare so much time at gym.

Not only that, I'm lately not able to do last minute plans. Like if a friend ask to have dinner, or hang out after work, I normally can't make it. I've not been to our usual hang out at Starbucks with MC for a long long time...

But I really want and hope business for TeaRoom will grow at the same time I am also hoping for some spare time. Hence the contradiction again.

Contradiction vs... Realistic?

The logo design and font choosing for tagline is on going. So I asked myself and a few of you what you think about the views on my possible TeaRoom concept, and also the impression TeaRoom gives you so far...

I throw these descriptions to the floor for their gut feels -

Royal, elegant and unique but not snob and unapproachable; at the same time warm, friendly and fun/ creative but not too funky and playful.

As for now, let's take away the "fun". Let's not be "fun" so to speak.

Most of you actually have the issue with "royal". Like sis and Swee said, royal has to be "distance". Royal cannot be down to earth and this concept is contradicting. LP, like Swee said it's challenging. Indeed. IF this is possible ya...

I have a colleague who said this and I really like to quote her:

"i think it would be absolutely fantastic if we can merge royalty n 'down to earth' into one... i feel that the reason ppl always avoid royalties n posh places is because it immediately makes us feel so awkward when we step in...its like we dont know what is right n wat is wrong.... but wat if u are invited to a royalty's mansion n u are allowed to do as u please...sit where it makes u comfortable cause we want u to enjoy elegance to the fullest n at the same time we don want u to lose your personality.... be who u are n enjoy the companionship of the princess!"

MC said this after reading my description -

Just like wat if starbucks said u must wear suit to be able to go in? Just doesn't gel. Wearing shorts to wedding? We can't even feel right to go klcc with shorts but cheras selatan is ok. u wan to change this? if you wan, go ahead, just risky. Perhaps 1st tearoom keep it simple.

Spoke to my graphics designer at the end of the day. Told her the views from all and she told me what was wrong. Ahhh... so I see too, I wasn't making my description accurately myself and so I get answers which were irrelevant which were not what I really wanted to find out... She is also very focus on the objective in hand - designing of logo and tagline. Oh yeah haha... but we are all getting so much into how TeaRoom should look like, feel etc. as though we are actually renovating TeaRoom now to make it gives the image I just described up there.

So back to the logo and font selection. She said yes, we need to know the kind of concept and feel of the business and product but she used a few different descriptions instead, which effectively described how I feel towards my dream TeaRoom, but with words which are more apt. She is really good, I will ask her if she will allow me to put a sign in my blog saying "logo designed by... (her name)".

I won't tell you what were the words she used to describe my request and requirement. Will let you see the logo later and let you tell me what you feel towards that. And her description towards the logo design is also an easier and more straight forward, realistic and not contradicting concept for TeaRoom. At the same time, it still allows me to keep that same feeling of mine towards TeaRoom.

:) Glad I have her...

Endurance

LGM and LP were wondering if I am a fan of Colin is it? Or am I even a fan of RPM?

It does sound like I’ve became a fan of both recently. I’ve been attending that Monday class at The Curve for more than a month. And I’ve also been joining the Tuesday RPM. I was on my way to RPM last night when BO walked out from the earlier RPM class preparing to join combat upstairs. Told him I don’t want to do Master C’s combat anymore. Told PB the same before I came down.

Earlier the day, actually the night before, LGM said she would try to make it to RPM, or else pump. I saw LGM peeking into the RPM studio when we were like in track 7 or so. I saw her indicating “pump” and I shook my head frantically. Hey, I was about to die in that RPM standing climb, I don’t want any more workout!

Since I “must” catch up with LGM, I tried to look for her in the pump class upstairs. Yee… no LGM. Spoke to BO for a while and he asked whether the RPM class was good. Err… just how to you evaluate an RPM class and its instructor? For me, I join RPM class when I am anti-social, when I don’t want to share my little space with anyone else (though I can also achieve this in pump and step) and when I don’t have the concentration. I mean, even if I day dream in RPM class, I don’t think I will miss a move? Okay, I might miss the cue of tuning up the resistance, or I might still be paddling seated when everyone is doing the standing climb, but hey, that’s not going to make me look weird or out of place so much, will it? The other day there was this member who paddled backwards, a bit distracting; and there was this guy who kept paddling and paddling on his own speed and seated all the time… sometimes I feel that one can be in one’s own world in RPM class and still will not effect others much. Imagine if someone refuses to move in a combat class when you are supposed to, say, do an evasive side kick? Sure got kicked.

And how to judge whether the RPM instructor is good? Or whether talk too much, or motivating or not? Hmm… even accuracy of cueing, how to tell for RPM? However, I do feel that certain instructor will always cue for change of moves or resistance with the change of music or beat. Is that due to song selection or cueing? Beats me...

Today miraculously I managed to join the 6.30pm RPM class! Okay, so I was late, missed the first track but still I’ve joined the earlier class. Haven’t done this since 2 years ago or more. No joke. Spent some time waiting for class to start last night and was extremely bored, that’s why I decided I must try to make it to the earlier class today. Besides, I need to get home early so that I can get more sleep.

Lastly, it was great catch up with LGM and well done to her for joining the 7.00am BB. Morning classes are not something I can manage to motivate myself to join. Haha…

Treasure your friends

A sneak peek of tomorrow's birthday cake. This is the topper for the cake. I hope it looks like what I wanted it to look like. Haha...

Weekend has been relaxing. In fact, this week has been quite relaxing, there was no rushing to deliver cake, managed to spend time with people and was able to catch up with some sleep.

Went to visit MFG, on his post wisdom tooth surgery. Wish I could stay longer to chat with him but I was supposed to meet up the girls for tea. Confidently arrived at The Curve just before 2.30pm, and guess what?! I couldn't find parking space until almost 3.30pm!! Geezzz... it was REALLY bad. And you know what? KG had to leave, in fact, she has left when I finally got down my car. Sigh... I'm so sorry! I've also missed PiC because she had to go for her RPM class and she had other arrangement after that.

Spent some time walking around because Fizz (is your blog name MapleOrange or OrangeMaple again?) said she would be able to meet me after her RPM. Thanks! Otherwise I thought I would just go home. Humph... It was a good catch up, haven't seen Fizz for such a long time and she said she has been extremely busy for like 3 months. Very hectic work schedule.

You know, it's actually not easy sometimes getting to meet your friends. Sometimes I feel that I just keep missing my friends.

Arghh... Another weekend gone pass, it's gonna be a busy week for me at work too. I hope I can make it to gym tomorrow, and hopefully get to catch up with LGM, another friend I've not seen for a long time.

And finally, I hate Monday!

Got better

I've had a long chat again with mum to clear the air. She seems okay though there might be things which she's not telling me... Oh well, I guess for parents, children will never grow up. We just need to keep assuring them that we do know our responsibility as children. But also hopefully parents understand and see the need of letting us make our own decisions, sometimes without prior notice.

MC is away for a seminar. Miss her already. Hope she's doing okay up at Bukit Tinggi. BIL is also going to be away down under for more than a month. And this, is the reason Aunty TTB will be accompanying Mummy MC for her next scan and will know whether I am to expect a little niece or nephew.

I've been a little frustrated lately towards big boss telling tales. He even put blame on my ex-immediate-boss since he's no longer in the company. I wonder if I will be remembered as someone who'd contributed to the company, or being talked off as a person who'd made so many mistakes at work. Oh well, we've no choice but to follow the flow and like my ex-immediate-boss said, it's not worth arguing. EIB cannot be bothered about what big boss said about him, so long as we did our part, and we know we had.

Got a request from one of my best customers for her daughter's birthday. She said she specifically told her husband that they cannot simply order cake from outside because there will be a photographer taking pictures. Aww... I'm so so touched. A little pressure, very excited. Besides requesting for the flavour of the cake and sponge fingers to surround it, she gave me the free hand to design.

Now. That's the challenge. Told her I will get back to her on my proposal. Any suggestions?

I was in a VERY bad mood today. Yeah, the usual Monday blues, but this is coupled with anti-social mood as well. I have a new colleague and I already don’t like him day one. It’s hard to explain why, just felt that he’s not a genuine person. Making the whole Monday situation worse was my big boss’ tales. Haiyaaa… enough already lah. I’m so tired of his lies. NOT having lunch with him for the entire week, lazy to entertain. I’ve decided to prolong my anti-social mood till end of the week.

Big boss announced my increment to me – same as last year but on the down side, last year’s increment was effective January and back dated, but this time, effective July. Great, I’m going backwards with my work achievements. Oh, to motivate me, big boss told me I’ll be going through my performance review end of this year. And what’s so special about this review? It’s going to be one that he decides if I will become a manager. A. MANAGER. However, I need to perk up on my current work attitude, need to do more and make my product a real success. (Like I’ve been sleeping in my job previously?) Anyways – Wow… I’ve heard that ONLY about like 4 times perhaps. Very motivating indeed, right?

Still on the not so happy note, mum has taken my refinancing and venturing into my own business VERY badly. Gave me 2 sessions of lectures tonight and her voice is still ringing in my head. I was assuring her that I will be fine, not to worry about me, or rather, I said don’t be bothered about me (leave me alone). Eventually, I found out that what I said did not comfort her at all because what she was worried about was that I will result in her not having a home to stay. Sigh… fine. I will ensure that even if I had to starve or sleep on the street BUT have her secured with a place to stay. That sounds okay to you mum? Very encouraging indeed, right?

Before lunch today, I already felt that I’ve worked a million years without a break. All I wanted to do was to pack my bags and go to the gym, workout out to the max, sweat out, tire myself out.

Did an RPM class today with Colin. This should have been my 4th class with him I think. Don’t feel like staying back for pump for various reasons. To answer Wookie’s question – yes, not motivated because Swee is not there. But I had a really good workout in RPM. There was this little episode where I nearly changed bike because the handle bar was a bit loose. But before I did that, I had asked help from the instructor to inspect the problem. And there was no problem! Okay, I’m just seeking for instructor's attention.

Stupid bike, tsk.

Class was good, much better than last week’s class that was with the team teach instructor, her voice was not compatible with the mic. It was close to annoyance actually. So at least my bad day ended with a good workout with just the “right” voice.