New laptop doesn't have Chinese word processing features yet.
My FB status: wishing for a friend who can lend me his shoulder to lean on when I'm tired; gives me a big warm hug when I need stresses to be comforted; kiss me on my forehead and tell me "everything is going to be ok" during hard battles of life. Someone who can do all these without worrying about what I might think of him...
I used to think that the person I have special feelings towards should ideally be my boyfriend. If I fail to have this person as boyfriend, I need to forget about all my feelings towards him and treat him as normal friend, no crossing the line whatsoever.
When I grew old, I think that there is no need to severe all nice, caring gestures or force myself to forget about my feelings towards this special someone even though he is not my special boyfriend. I will normally search my heart and give it two scenarios - do you feel better to have him out of sigh, out of mind? or continue to feel the same? The choice is always there, my objective will always be to make myself feel most comfortable.
There are many kinds special friendships in our life which cannot be defined. There is this special someone whom you care and feel more than the other best friends, but he is just not the one whom you call "hubby".
There is this person whom you like talking to and seek comfort with whenever you feel depressed. A warm hug from him will do wonders.
There is this person you will text to share all good and bad news, even if it were to complain about traffic jam. Chat all day on instant messaging if possible...
Someone you can gossip with who knows all these characters in your stories. It's different gossiping with gal friends and guy friends, you know.
Someone who knows that it wasn't the laptop of your choice when you say "I cannot decide which one", and later point you to the slim white HP, away from the black Compaq with good function and best offered price.
Someone who knows that the most important advice when you are sick is "no gym for you!" besides drink more water and take good rest.
Such kind of friend is a keeper.
I've not been blogging so frequently for a long time. Enjoying the break but dragging the time because I know my break is ending soon. Like MFG said, what do I expect? I've got 2 jobs.
I went to gym for some cardio and weights workout, spent an hour plus there. Good to sweat out and feel SLIGHTLY comforted when I eat again tomorrow :p. Went to get a skin care item at Sasa and this sales assistance said I look like a Hong Kong movie star, especially when I talk. She cannot recall the name, but she remembered that this movie star was the winner of the beauty pageant also. Waaahhh... such good compliment. A RM179 well spent. Regardless true or not, she did it quite well. Haha...
Monday, February 15, 2010
New
Had a hard time going to sleep last night. Slept for a seemed to be short while and couldn't go back to sleep. There was something bothering me... then I remember the on line conversation with MFG... and then my mind was full of it after that. But seriously, I asked myself, what's new? What was it that I didn't know already? But what's wrong then?
I guess it's a feeling of getting onto the sold shore after a long long while being in the troubled sea. Nothing is wrong, just knowing that certain things will change from now has preoccupied my mind.
Yes MC, besides the "interview" sessions which we will try arrange for MFG... the relationship between TTB and MFG will definitely change...
It has been bothering me for a long time, I know I should have dealt with it but I have put it aside for a long time because I was really trying to handle it with so much care and it's always about when is the "right" time. I have felt the uneasiness in me for some time now, cannot recall when it started...
While I was working on what I've planned to do based on my "theory" it became slightly worrying every time after I saw MFG. It had reached a situation where I had to tiptoe on certain things and certain topics. I didn't want to really look into his eyes, I hesitate when wanted to extend him the little indulgences and the chat topic has been all about third parties except perhaps about his business and my planned business.
I can also sense that he's trying very hard to be the kind of best friend he wanted to be for me but seemed like something was bothering him, too, I felt hesitation and distance. I've reduced to giving him only "cheek" instead of a proper kiss for goodbye; I avoided walking too near to him; didn't know where to put my hands when taking pictures with him; So many times I wanted to call him "honey" or "darling" casually but I stopped myself...
I felt that our friendship was getting very "difficult".
Perhaps my feelings towards the situation was correct, perhaps MFG has been worried too, perhaps that's why the chat topic last night had to take place - just to make sure.
I remember telling a friend that I wish I can be so straight forward with MFG like her and her guy friend - telling him that I like him; telling him that I needed a hug to comfort my stresses; talking to him about just any topics under the universe to without worrying about how he'd taken it...
So now, if he's not that conservative, I hope he can be everything that I'd always wanted from a guy friend without having to restrict myself. I hope new year brings new relationships...
I guess it's a feeling of getting onto the sold shore after a long long while being in the troubled sea. Nothing is wrong, just knowing that certain things will change from now has preoccupied my mind.
Yes MC, besides the "interview" sessions which we will try arrange for MFG... the relationship between TTB and MFG will definitely change...
It has been bothering me for a long time, I know I should have dealt with it but I have put it aside for a long time because I was really trying to handle it with so much care and it's always about when is the "right" time. I have felt the uneasiness in me for some time now, cannot recall when it started...
While I was working on what I've planned to do based on my "theory" it became slightly worrying every time after I saw MFG. It had reached a situation where I had to tiptoe on certain things and certain topics. I didn't want to really look into his eyes, I hesitate when wanted to extend him the little indulgences and the chat topic has been all about third parties except perhaps about his business and my planned business.
I can also sense that he's trying very hard to be the kind of best friend he wanted to be for me but seemed like something was bothering him, too, I felt hesitation and distance. I've reduced to giving him only "cheek" instead of a proper kiss for goodbye; I avoided walking too near to him; didn't know where to put my hands when taking pictures with him; So many times I wanted to call him "honey" or "darling" casually but I stopped myself...
I felt that our friendship was getting very "difficult".
Perhaps my feelings towards the situation was correct, perhaps MFG has been worried too, perhaps that's why the chat topic last night had to take place - just to make sure.
I remember telling a friend that I wish I can be so straight forward with MFG like her and her guy friend - telling him that I like him; telling him that I needed a hug to comfort my stresses; talking to him about just any topics under the universe to without worrying about how he'd taken it...
So now, if he's not that conservative, I hope he can be everything that I'd always wanted from a guy friend without having to restrict myself. I hope new year brings new relationships...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
sighhhhh....
Just had this on line conversation with MFG...
MFG: Happy new year
TTB: Happy valentine's day
MFG: happy valentine too. hope you will find your special one very soon. :)
TTB: hmm... i have found him if you were the one... but too bad
MFG: we are good friends la. :) but I will certainly help you to conduct interview. :)
TTB: of course we are :)... my options are open. but you are the one i like most now
MFG: :)
MFG: by the way
and then we were on pineapple tart review...
TTB: you are handling this quite well huh!
Haaaaaiiih....
And later...
TTB: I know you are going to sleep soon, but since we are on this topic, i must say this...
TTB: I know you know that i like you so so much right?
TTB: but you don't need to worry, and you can let me know if you are seeing someone
MFG: I always treat you as a dear friend and I really hope you can find someone special soon...
MFG: No girlfriend now and probably want to stay that way. I actually enjoy my bachelor life a lot
TTB: I know i know...
TTB: i always try not to make you feel uneasy
TTB: but it's a lot easier to be friends when i am open to you, my feelings
MFG: yeah. i know. sometimes i'm afraid that i am doing the wrong things and give the wrong signals... happened before and try not to make the same mistakes again. :)
TTB: :)
TTB: and i'm sure you will like me very much if you are looking for someone haha :p
MFG: :)
TTB: hmm...
TTB: smiley can mean a lot of things, most of the time...
Towards the end of conversation...
TTB: i know
TTB: feelings can change, but as for you. not now for sure.
MFG: that's true. feeling can potential change.but for me, it hardly happen.....
TTB: okay, i know how you feel towards me, so there is nothing to worry about with my indulgence towards you k
MFG: I know. that's why I still don't reject to become your guinea pig.
TTB: aiya... i don't mean to make you guinea pig ALL the time... i got you some non edible stuff before also what... fish, pen drive, "wohoo" tiger
MFG: just kidding.
MFG: ok la. going to bed
TTB: okay honey! haha
TTB: NOW i can do this
MFG: hahahah
TTB: muah muah!
MFG: enjoy your new year. and i will see you on tuesday
TTB: yes... till then. nite nite
MFG: night
MFG: Happy new year
TTB: Happy valentine's day
MFG: happy valentine too. hope you will find your special one very soon. :)
TTB: hmm... i have found him if you were the one... but too bad
MFG: we are good friends la. :) but I will certainly help you to conduct interview. :)
TTB: of course we are :)... my options are open. but you are the one i like most now
MFG: :)
MFG: by the way
and then we were on pineapple tart review...
TTB: you are handling this quite well huh!
Haaaaaiiih....
And later...
TTB: I know you are going to sleep soon, but since we are on this topic, i must say this...
TTB: I know you know that i like you so so much right?
TTB: but you don't need to worry, and you can let me know if you are seeing someone
MFG: I always treat you as a dear friend and I really hope you can find someone special soon...
MFG: No girlfriend now and probably want to stay that way. I actually enjoy my bachelor life a lot
TTB: I know i know...
TTB: i always try not to make you feel uneasy
TTB: but it's a lot easier to be friends when i am open to you, my feelings
MFG: yeah. i know. sometimes i'm afraid that i am doing the wrong things and give the wrong signals... happened before and try not to make the same mistakes again. :)
TTB: :)
TTB: and i'm sure you will like me very much if you are looking for someone haha :p
MFG: :)
TTB: hmm...
TTB: smiley can mean a lot of things, most of the time...
Towards the end of conversation...
TTB: i know
TTB: feelings can change, but as for you. not now for sure.
MFG: that's true. feeling can potential change.but for me, it hardly happen.....
TTB: okay, i know how you feel towards me, so there is nothing to worry about with my indulgence towards you k
MFG: I know. that's why I still don't reject to become your guinea pig.
TTB: aiya... i don't mean to make you guinea pig ALL the time... i got you some non edible stuff before also what... fish, pen drive, "wohoo" tiger
MFG: just kidding.
MFG: ok la. going to bed
TTB: okay honey! haha
TTB: NOW i can do this
MFG: hahahah
TTB: muah muah!
MFG: enjoy your new year. and i will see you on tuesday
TTB: yes... till then. nite nite
MFG: night
Sunday, February 7, 2010
That traffic blocking gal!!!
If you were near Cheras Leisure Mall some where between 2.30pm and got delayed by this bottle neck near the Tai Thong area, which was caused by some cars simply stopping at the road side...
SORRY!
Okay, it was me.
Along with the other two customers who were waiting for me to deliver their cake. The thing was, instead of waiting at the same side of the road, both the customers were on the opposite side! So I had to put on my emergency light, double parked my car and ran across the road to send the cakes. Worse thing was I needed to give change to both of them and I left my purse in the car... A bit of a scene there with me running across the road a few times until one of the customers actually commented that "good business hor".
:p :p :p
Yeah lor, this week good business and since there were 2 deliveries, I might as well ask to meet them same time same place right. So 2 boxes of cakes done in the morning.
You know, home businesses are normally with extremely long working hours. When you are not able to seperate personal and working hours, you tend to work whenever you can. Or rather say - need to.
Ahhh... I need to put my feet up. Just finished 2 boxes of biscotti and 5 boxes of pineapple tarts from after I delivered that 2 boxes of cakes till now, 1am. Okay lah, I did break for dinner and shower, and some short play time with Emily. Geezzz... I AM SO TIRED!
3 more days of baking craze to go! Need to do some shopping tomorrow and NEED to arrive at the mall early to beat the jam.
So, nite nite.
SORRY!
Okay, it was me.
Along with the other two customers who were waiting for me to deliver their cake. The thing was, instead of waiting at the same side of the road, both the customers were on the opposite side! So I had to put on my emergency light, double parked my car and ran across the road to send the cakes. Worse thing was I needed to give change to both of them and I left my purse in the car... A bit of a scene there with me running across the road a few times until one of the customers actually commented that "good business hor".
:p :p :p
Yeah lor, this week good business and since there were 2 deliveries, I might as well ask to meet them same time same place right. So 2 boxes of cakes done in the morning.
You know, home businesses are normally with extremely long working hours. When you are not able to seperate personal and working hours, you tend to work whenever you can. Or rather say - need to.
Ahhh... I need to put my feet up. Just finished 2 boxes of biscotti and 5 boxes of pineapple tarts from after I delivered that 2 boxes of cakes till now, 1am. Okay lah, I did break for dinner and shower, and some short play time with Emily. Geezzz... I AM SO TIRED!
3 more days of baking craze to go! Need to do some shopping tomorrow and NEED to arrive at the mall early to beat the jam.
So, nite nite.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Surviving...
Okay lah, it's not like that bad but it's quite an apt word to describe my current schedule.
I have been having this feeling that I cannot see my schedules clear. It's good in a way that the baking business has picked up. This week for example had increased from one order to 5 orders (8 boxes) over the weekend. I am glad that friends and some "real" customers don't mind ordering from me. By the way, I've been doing so many pink bootees already for the baby shower cupcakes, anyone ordering some blue bootees soon?? In exchange with the good business is sleeping hours. Of course I can still sleep a lot but provided that I don't come on line, don't go gym...
But can't do right? Still need some "life".
So, I've been going to gym in the morning in order to free all my evenings for the cake biz. I've recently discover that the RPM classes at MML starts at 7.15am unlike most morning classes which starts at 7.00am. Anyways, not that I am able to make it to other gyms in the morning lah, basically, only can go either MML, Curve or Uptown. Last week I've been sick so total time out from gym. This week heavy orders but still managed to joined 2 RPM classes. Quite happy with that because it's definitely much much better cardio workout compared to just own cardio workout at the machines. I don't think I've the chance of really slimming down looking at my current lifestyle, but at least I need to make sure I don't grow any fatter but can still eat the food I like comfortably (comfortable as in my pants won't get too tight).
In terms of work, ohh... did you know I have gotten a promotion? Now manager. What's the difference? Nothing... there was an increment of 5% and oh well, like many said, and also I'd like to look at it the bright side, it's a good achievement for beginning of year 2010. This year will be a good year. What I need now is to survive through CNY hectic baking schedule and relax (hopefully) for a while :).
Meanwhile, I'm organising birthday dinner for MFG, which I think is rather interesting and enjoyable :).
I have been having this feeling that I cannot see my schedules clear. It's good in a way that the baking business has picked up. This week for example had increased from one order to 5 orders (8 boxes) over the weekend. I am glad that friends and some "real" customers don't mind ordering from me. By the way, I've been doing so many pink bootees already for the baby shower cupcakes, anyone ordering some blue bootees soon?? In exchange with the good business is sleeping hours. Of course I can still sleep a lot but provided that I don't come on line, don't go gym...
But can't do right? Still need some "life".
So, I've been going to gym in the morning in order to free all my evenings for the cake biz. I've recently discover that the RPM classes at MML starts at 7.15am unlike most morning classes which starts at 7.00am. Anyways, not that I am able to make it to other gyms in the morning lah, basically, only can go either MML, Curve or Uptown. Last week I've been sick so total time out from gym. This week heavy orders but still managed to joined 2 RPM classes. Quite happy with that because it's definitely much much better cardio workout compared to just own cardio workout at the machines. I don't think I've the chance of really slimming down looking at my current lifestyle, but at least I need to make sure I don't grow any fatter but can still eat the food I like comfortably (comfortable as in my pants won't get too tight).
In terms of work, ohh... did you know I have gotten a promotion? Now manager. What's the difference? Nothing... there was an increment of 5% and oh well, like many said, and also I'd like to look at it the bright side, it's a good achievement for beginning of year 2010. This year will be a good year. What I need now is to survive through CNY hectic baking schedule and relax (hopefully) for a while :).
Meanwhile, I'm organising birthday dinner for MFG, which I think is rather interesting and enjoyable :).
Thursday, January 28, 2010
That strange feeling
Ahhh... the word is "depression". As provided my MC. I guess I'm not the only one who feels so when ill. That constant creeping feeling on the spine, cold sweat sweeping through all the time...
Today, after 15 years of using and remembering my bank account number... I CANNOT recall the number when I wanted to bank in a cheque into my account!!! There was no way I could manage to unlock that part of my memory, or unblock that something that's in the way of my thoughts.
So it is like this when we fall sick, the feeling of hopeless, and life is no meaning kind of feeling.
Lets aim to stay healthy!
Today, after 15 years of using and remembering my bank account number... I CANNOT recall the number when I wanted to bank in a cheque into my account!!! There was no way I could manage to unlock that part of my memory, or unblock that something that's in the way of my thoughts.
So it is like this when we fall sick, the feeling of hopeless, and life is no meaning kind of feeling.
Lets aim to stay healthy!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
It's all in the mind right?
One thing I realized whenever I am sick is that my mind begins to play trick on my heart. Hmm... I know, I'm speaking nonsense.
When I am ill, I have this floating in eternity feeling, helpless. I keep hoping to find a safe place to hide and not do anything. Give up dreams because my head told me that it is impossible, very difficult and my heart feels that I'm not up to the fast beat. This feelings give me cold sweat sometimes.
Haven't seen MFG for a long time and I've met him for lunch today. Before I saw him, I thought his embrace would be one warm place to hide myself from all my unsettled feelings. But when I saw him, I forgot about the hug... When we parted, he gave me a big hug but I've forgotten his good bye kiss... What's with me today?
Gave MFG his early birthday present today because I've gotten it the other day when I went to town (I don't go to town often lately) and why not give him his present early right? Glad to see that he was amazed by the present and said he liked it. I regret not getting him a slightly better one with the slight increase in cost. But he said it was good enough. Trust him to say that.
It was such a calm feeling sitting across MFG, I can talk and laugh all day but too bad I had to get back to the office. Meeting up with MFG has always been the happiest highlight for the week, but this time I feel so sick after leaving the lunch place. My heart was so painful that I asked myself "would you rather not know this person?". But we are such good friends, he's such a great guy to talk to, he is always genuinely concerned about me, caring and all... I would love to have a friend like him forever.
But sometimes the pain is just too intense.
Tried not to follow up on the on line chat since he didn't respond to my message, sent while he was away. Played a round of game to distract myself. Tears are still dripping. I need medicine for my heart. Bandage it up perhaps...
When I am ill, I have this floating in eternity feeling, helpless. I keep hoping to find a safe place to hide and not do anything. Give up dreams because my head told me that it is impossible, very difficult and my heart feels that I'm not up to the fast beat. This feelings give me cold sweat sometimes.
Haven't seen MFG for a long time and I've met him for lunch today. Before I saw him, I thought his embrace would be one warm place to hide myself from all my unsettled feelings. But when I saw him, I forgot about the hug... When we parted, he gave me a big hug but I've forgotten his good bye kiss... What's with me today?
Gave MFG his early birthday present today because I've gotten it the other day when I went to town (I don't go to town often lately) and why not give him his present early right? Glad to see that he was amazed by the present and said he liked it. I regret not getting him a slightly better one with the slight increase in cost. But he said it was good enough. Trust him to say that.
It was such a calm feeling sitting across MFG, I can talk and laugh all day but too bad I had to get back to the office. Meeting up with MFG has always been the happiest highlight for the week, but this time I feel so sick after leaving the lunch place. My heart was so painful that I asked myself "would you rather not know this person?". But we are such good friends, he's such a great guy to talk to, he is always genuinely concerned about me, caring and all... I would love to have a friend like him forever.
But sometimes the pain is just too intense.
Tried not to follow up on the on line chat since he didn't respond to my message, sent while he was away. Played a round of game to distract myself. Tears are still dripping. I need medicine for my heart. Bandage it up perhaps...
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