New

Had a hard time going to sleep last night. Slept for a seemed to be short while and couldn't go back to sleep. There was something bothering me... then I remember the on line conversation with MFG... and then my mind was full of it after that. But seriously, I asked myself, what's new? What was it that I didn't know already? But what's wrong then?

I guess it's a feeling of getting onto the sold shore after a long long while being in the troubled sea. Nothing is wrong, just knowing that certain things will change from now has preoccupied my mind.

Yes MC, besides the "interview" sessions which we will try arrange for MFG... the relationship between TTB and MFG will definitely change...

It has been bothering me for a long time, I know I should have dealt with it but I have put it aside for a long time because I was really trying to handle it with so much care and it's always about when is the "right" time. I have felt the uneasiness in me for some time now, cannot recall when it started...

While I was working on what I've planned to do based on my "theory" it became slightly worrying every time after I saw MFG. It had reached a situation where I had to tiptoe on certain things and certain topics. I didn't want to really look into his eyes, I hesitate when wanted to extend him the little indulgences and the chat topic has been all about third parties except perhaps about his business and my planned business.

I can also sense that he's trying very hard to be the kind of best friend he wanted to be for me but seemed like something was bothering him, too, I felt hesitation and distance. I've reduced to giving him only "cheek" instead of a proper kiss for goodbye; I avoided walking too near to him; didn't know where to put my hands when taking pictures with him; So many times I wanted to call him "honey" or "darling" casually but I stopped myself...

I felt that our friendship was getting very "difficult".

Perhaps my feelings towards the situation was correct, perhaps MFG has been worried too, perhaps that's why the chat topic last night had to take place - just to make sure.

I remember telling a friend that I wish I can be so straight forward with MFG like her and her guy friend - telling him that I like him; telling him that I needed a hug to comfort my stresses; talking to him about just any topics under the universe to without worrying about how he'd taken it...

So now, if he's not that conservative, I hope he can be everything that I'd always wanted from a guy friend without having to restrict myself. I hope new year brings new relationships...