Need more work

This month, 2 years ago, I was in HK and got my new gadget. So many has changed yet so many things remained the same. Many things that I once feared and wanted to find an easy way out then but now I feel like certain things I feared may just lead to more success; most of the time, we need to go the hard way. I am surprisingly looking forward to longer business hours, more work and busier schedule.

Still struggling but lets see if I can pull through after another 6 months. Otherwise, perhaps I cannot survive any longer anyways.

Also discovered that people I once adored so much and so wanted to speak to actually annoys me much. Have I changed so much or... I was just blind then. Haha...

Where do I go?

It does seem like I am doing a half yearly blogging over here. Needless to mention, it has been really hectic. Last week was really hectic though I have came across more tiring weeks. Something I noted, however, was that I have particularly missed MFG during the past whole week. It has been kind of calmer for a long while till lately again. (I just read my last post and indeed I felt milder towards this). Just found from another friend that he was overseas, was that the reason I missed him especially more? He has been further away...

Like I have just told another girl friend of mine (I cannot remember all those nicknames I gave to my blog characters!) that the MFG chapter is a no ending story. There will be an end but there will not be a fruitful one. Except for, of course, the great friendship between us.

Anyways, the cake biz was so bad that I have decided that I would want to go back to work, perhaps 5 half days and then work here half day, that was also when the cafe was really so quiet when I made that decision. No, it didn't happen yet because I was not actively searching for a job and I got really busy last week.

Going to the extreme will be to close down this business, which will be such a waste but I have no choice because I need income to prevent my status to becoming "bankrupt". As for now, I am staying and eating for free supported by MC, how grateful I am... but it cannot be for long, besides free lodging there has also been a lot of money borrowed. It is really bad.

I wonder if I can talk about something more cheerful the next time I blog...

How are you feeling?

It has been more than half a year since I last blogged. Tearoom has taken over my life and it is not always what I feel that I wanted. But there is no such thing as a full fledged, smoothly operating Tearoom on day one... I have been through really rough time, not really with starting up and operating Tearoom, but more of my personal life especially the financial bit. I am still having financial problems only taking a break last 2 months because I was blessed with a great boss from my project consulting job and to give up my house, I gain some extra income.

But not for long, I am not sure how I am able to pull through for next month, actually, this coming month end.

Maybe if I open all my ang pows I will have enough money to pay all my bills? Yes, still single and still the same MFG. But there has been signs that Time has diluted the feelings, and I am sure MFG will be so happy and relieved to know, that is IF he knows that I still have strong feelings towards him. No one else has appeared in my life otherwise, is it a sign? Or it simply means that I have no life lately. I cannot recall the date of his birthday though, perhaps that's a sign too? Or it simply means that I am not organized and have no time for friends lately.

Which ever way, I hope to improve the quality of my life this year. Have now settled in comfortably in my sis house and feel really like home. So blessed. It's strange but home is a feeling and not a place that was why I have not been feeling like home recently until I moved in here. It's also more comfortable working figurines as well as paper work on this work desk I am occupying now.

Perhaps some items need to be taken out from the dream list, but whether there is any "replacement dream" or just work on the current dream is what I hesitate to decide.

Sometimes you take so much time wishing for something, it might take you equally long time to "unwish" them...

Dream-ing

It's opened!

TeaRoom is FINALLY opened, as an outlet, a cafe... But of course it was a mess and we are all still trying to fine tune the operations and hopefully able to find the right way to operate it so that it does not close down!

It's so unreal, many people congratulating me on my dream coming true, after 4 years! But at many points I asked myself why do I want to do this! And if anyone ask me at this very instance, my advice is DON'T do it! But hopefully soon I will be contented and can tell you that I enjoyed the experience and am glad that I did this - hopefully not too long away.

Meanwhile, following up from my last post, I got the bell :)

"Fragile"

I'm still waiting...

Waiting for time to pass and feeling to go. Meanwhile, I know I'm not quite there yet when all I feel like doing now is to tell you that I miss you.

It's funny that I always tell MFG that he's my best friend. But it's not quite like any of my best friends. How to explain...?

With other people, it is a lot easy asking certain questions but when it comes to MFG, there are some partcularly difficult to ask questions, like "where are you going?", "How long?" and the most challenging one for me is "WHO are you going with?". Actually, to think of it, I don't remember asking that question. If I really really can't stop myself, I will ask "are you going alone?" haha... And if his answer is "No." fullstop, then there will be no more questions, haha...

There was this very incident last week during one of those adhoc lunch meets with MFG. The conversation went... Okay, I can't even remember how the conversation went but it suddenly got to me when he said something like "especially I need to get ready for my trip next week" blah blah...

And then I said "ohhh" and with great hesitation, I asked "where are you going?" (although I don't see him everyday and it doesn't make a difference to my everyday life, but I still feel that emptiness kind of feeling just knowing that he is not in town/ the country)

Then I remember that I asked "Where is Geneva?" Haha... No I won't ask the "who" question. :)
And then "ohh... Switzerland, then you can get me chocolates, and I want the cow bell!" (did I get the country right? Or should that be Germany?) :p

And MFG said he has no time for shopping... Did I asked the "how long?" question? I can't remember but I remember asking him why he was going and I got quite a few information from then onwards. I got the "going Monday coming back Saturday" and "I am going there for..." and I have been told "going with aaa and bbb" and then the "no time for shopping, even his friend told his wife that they are not going shopping".

Me: "airport duty fee?" :D

Haha... that wasn't too bad. Even managed to finally typed the "I will miss you" when I send him whatsapp message before he board the plane. Then to my pleasant surprise we managed to have a short MSN chat with him when he was waiting for his connecting flight. While I was sleeping, he was off for his 12 hours flight plus 3 hours train ride. Awww poor thing, such a tiring trip. But I'm sure he was with good company - two of his guy friends I know were going with him.

No matter what, the relationship is best friend labelled "handle with care".

Is my dream finally coming true?

Is it real?

I got the keys today to the future TeaRoom. Even when I typed this, it seemed so unreal and scary too. It is not a time for hesitation and questioning of ability, but I will be so amazed if this works out as (or better than!) I have always dreamt of.

Even MFG said he can't wait... well, I can't wait to see him more, hopefully everyday - that will be double dream come true. But since it sounded too good to be true, it is most probably not true.

Perhaps one dream at a time. I am feeling super lucky and blessed to have great partners around. If not for them, this cannot happen and it is not because I haven't the courage to do it, but will be because I cannot afford it. What have I done to deserve this? I must do more for others, I promised myself.

I missed my guinea pig tonight, I wish I can tell her that TeaRoom is finally going to be up. I missed mum tonight, I wish I can tell her that I am really thrilled about getting TeaRoom started. But they are both so far away from me in different ways...

It's finally happening!

I started the TeaRoom brand name in year 2007 and was selling cakes before that. Started baking? That was when I was in primary school, my current moist chocolate cake was "founded" when I was in high school junior middle 3... I have been wanting to start TeaRoom for ages, at one point I got really frustrated that things were not working out.

After a while, I learnt to be patient and trust that good things happen to those who waits. We registered Tearoom Sdn Bhd more than a year ago and since aggressively looking for a suitable place. I won't say that the one we have booked is the best place, it might not even be termed as ideal, but it is good enough and I think is a good start - it's a start.

So finally, it's going to happen in June, a quiet opening of TeaRoom first outlet! I am excited of course but worried also that things might not fall into places. Well I guess we just have to constantly pick up pieces and try to make ends meet. Whoever said it is going to be easy? No one every told me that, but everyone told me to have faith, and faith I should have.

MFG asked me out for dinner last week. I would love to say that things are finally happening with him too, but sigh. He was organising a dinner with some friends and he asked me to join. But good enough to be in his circle of friends I supposed - those were all his friends that I got to know lately through him. It was kind of nice to be at his side although no string attached whatsoever. You know I always like someone taking care of me at the dining table, dishing food into my plate - I meant when it is someone I like and not the waiter. So I got that "service" the whole night, although I was not the only one he was dishing food for haha... I can sometimes make things sound rather romantic depending on the way I write it :p He is so really caring and I still like him so so much...

He is the kind of guy who doesn't really put ego first and he is always there for his friends. He is not afraid of being bullied, actually he doesn't see it that way. Everyone loves him. And so I went into one of my Ally Mcbel fantasies and imaging him telling me that he is getting married, to another girl. I remember doing that heart test some months ago... Last week was a busy week and I actually did not find myself thinking about MFG so much. I was beginning to miss him and thought I will ask him out for lunch this week. And that was when I got his message for the dinner gathering...

What was the result of my heart test? No cold sweat this time, heart felt okay although I will still not attend the wedding and no wedding cake from me, sorry. Maybe time is really the essence. I feel kind of so "sayang" to just let him "go"...