Let's keep an open mind on betrayal

I ended my work week with an awfully tantrum episode.

Sigh... I think a lot of my cells are killed and I must have lost that 1kg because of stress. What did I always say? Be careful what you wish for - this doesn't look like a "healthy" way to lose weight.

I guess the De briefing in the morning had disheartened me to start with. I hate briefing by the big boss, it's always stressful and discouraging since the reason for briefing is normally to rectify faults. Along with that, lectures, interrogations, justifications and now to add on to the list, finger pointing. However, I insist of being myself - I'm not those who put blames on others, if possible, I will always take up responsibility and will accept the fact that I will have to get things fixed after that. Coincidentally, my colleagues are like me, especially my junior who had surprising picked up all my little indication and the tiniest body language of cuing her.

The demoralizing session was followed by a discussion with The Wicked Witch of The West which was enough to cause high blood pressure and possibly a stroke. After that was running around trying to complete tasks assigned by the GREAT one while leaving me worries of my other very important tasks. Not to mention solid grey mood.

As a finale, unreasonable written comments were received truly showing the flickered minded, fault finding and wicked personality of the Witch. It's annoying okay.

I really didn't want to release the tantrum me in the office but that tantrum self just emerged and believe it or not, I actually felt like unleashing that version of me. So, in short, I made a major complaint to my immediate boss, and I could actually fell my cheek burning and tears welling up. Okay, no of course I didn't cry. I was particularly heartbroken when recalling the previous session with the big boss. I told IB that I do not want to go through that again. I felt really betrayed the other time. Because when you tell you boss your problems, you expect them to at least help you, not put you in the spotlight and later tells you that you NEED to be able to resolve conflicts. CONFLICTS???

Phew... ok, feeling much better now. Blog had turned bitter now a days. Must post some sweet stuff soon. And you know what? I'm not looking forward to the next cake project - it's going to be really stressful.

Okay, I need to stay cool. No more tantrum, no more complaining and no more letting unworthy people effecting my mood.

Went shopping today which was a great retail therapy. Hey, Debenhams is on sale, "best ever sale" as I quote and I can testify that. It's really good. Before that, spent over RM80 just to get the tools need to tier the cake (my next cake project/ challenge). As I foresee lack of time (since I need to bake and construct the cake after work) I bought some instant stuff for convenience. The custard will be ready made ones. I don't think my heart can take anymore failure. Oh, lunch was at Starbucks, my favorite drink and favorite sandwiches. At least I got myself rather fixed up today. (Just ignore that email for now, don't even think about your IB's reply. There is no betrayal and shall not be any up coming, so don't worry, TTB).

Tomorrow shopping again, but this time there will be a good start with a satisfying breakfast with MC and BIL, then good company to shop and drink. But I am just wondering if I should keep myself away from others, I'm not feeling so patient these few days. And the more impatient I get, the more frustrated I get with myself for feeling so because of some undeserving people.