Getting ready to be lady of leisure... ?

Really? Can I call myself lady of leisure when I am unemployed later?

It is actually subjective I suppose, depending how you view the situation. I might have all the flexibility of time to a certain extend, but I will still have deadlines to meet - assuming that I have enough orders. And if I take up the consultancy projects, I will still have 2 jobs. Same arrangement like previous with the difference that I have 2 part time jobs instead of one of them a full time; I will be my own boss instead of working for the success of other people's business.

How hectic or leisure my life will be will be depending on how much I want to do I suppose. And when you have your own business, there is no such line between personal and working hours anymore, anytime is a working hour and anytime can be leisure as well. I might even find myself (I'm quite certain) working more hours than I used to. I have been told that by the self employed and home bakers that I will be working harder and longer but happier. I do hope so since that's one of the main reason I quit my job.

Many people are getting to know my resignation already, and almost everyone congratulated me haha... everyone said I deserve happiness - a bit "kua cheong" lah don't you think? MFG told one of the friends lately when asked the reason I quit my job that I need a break from "someone" (yeah, he actually used that word). It's absolutely witty and such a good script that I've adopted that line.

I'm blogging at Starbucks and am wishing that my TeaRoom will get people like here surfing, working, reading... it's such a culture that comforts me :). I still haven't gotten a location for TeaRoom, and I am still discussing on some non-related projects. I am not sure which area I wanted to spend more time on yet, because I still need to pay bills and feed myself, so must be realistic.

As for today, this weekend, amidst the orders (worked till 2am last night on Tom and Jerry!), I will take some time enjoying being a lady of leisure, so to speak.

Ohh... I saw a grandmama with her grandson just now here in Starbucks. So sweet, reminded me of my late grandma. My late popo also likes wearing the Chinese style top and pants bottom, tailor made with flowery, colorful material. The difference was this grandmama here can manage to do the ordering at Starbucks, can use fork and knife very well and looks very in dependant. I wish my mum can be at such leisure and enjoy life with her grandchild (grandchildren) soon. I hope she can go places and live the life she wants with her favorite companion.

Life is good! :)

The resignation chapter

Just the day before my planned resignation day, I had butterfly in my stomach, fluttering for excitement! Finally, the day I longed for has arrived, after that I can see freedom and happiness.

Then the unexpected news that my grandpa passed away...

The resignation was delayed for one day, it was supposed to be delayed for 2 days as I was planning to take 2 days off work. But unfortunately, I had to conduct this training on Tuesday morning which ridiculously no one else can conduct, and these colleagues of mine won't even offer to call to postpone the training (one of them gave me the number instead!!!). Grr... out of irritation and rage, I told them fine, I will go! So might as well report to work half day, and also at the same time tender my resignation letter.

All those drama which I expect, all the getting ready for annoying remarks and mind torturing questioning.... did not happen. My so called exit interview was only 2 minutes, with the big boss telling me to prepare handover... and a casual "where are you going?"

After telling boss that I'm not going anywhere, just taking a break, he said "Ohh no job yet is it? Okay lah..."

So that's done.

Everyone thought and expect that my boss will try to ask me to stay. But I guess not this boss and besides, he knew well that there was nothing else he could offer me and most importantly, he knew that he doesn't need me there anymore. Might as well change new blood for the company so to speak. You see, another colleague of mine who was the longest serving employee, tendered her letter the same time as I did. So that made 2 of the company's longest serving staff. So yeah, the company will be flowing new blood in June.

After all the joy, now I'm feeling a bit lost in direction. I have not been unemployed for a long long time... It is scary to be unemployed and not knowing how much income I will be getting and whether I will have enough money to start TeaRoom when I finally get a suitable location.

I think I will be selling cupcakes at pasar malam soon... do come support k. :)

In loving memory...

I was getting ready for my happy moments of finally tendering my resignation the next day when mum told me grandpa had not been eating for 3 days. She told me to standby because he could be "anytime".

I got a text from sis in the next room when I was tossing in bed trying not to be affected by my insomnia, sis told me it was scary that the wind was blowing so strongly... some time after sending her a good night text, she sent me a text again to say that grandpa passed away...

It was such a heart breaking moment to see ah gong when they uncovered his face under the blanket - almost skeletal, a very old and helpless face. I wasn't close with ah gong, he only lived with mum and I for a short while, perhaps a year, two? I cannot remember. All I could remember was mum and grandpa always got on wrong foot, there were a lot of quarreling. But mum held onto her responsibility of taking care of her dad till one day one of my uncles decided to have him back.

Ah gong was from China, he had the traditional Chinese way of thinking that the son should take care of him and that when he died, he would want to be in his son's house. Too bad, my uncle couldn't hold on to his responsibility in taking care of my grandpa till his last days of life. The caretaker told us that ah gong was not in fear or suffering when he passed away, he was quietly but diligently chanting Buddha Amitabha's name. Although it's sad to be passing away in a stranger's place away from home, but perhaps at adverse situation, we then remember our cultivation and chanting.

Ah gong is believed to be 98 years old. We were not too sure I guess, I think the year on his identification card is different from the age he said he was. I always wonder how it would be living almost a hundred years. I sometimes forget that I am 35 years old, I cannot imagine how I would keep track of my age adding another 35 onto it, leave alone 65 years! And what does one do when one cannot walk properly, can't hear clearly and having a very blur vision? Ah gong used to be able to walk a far distance at the age of late 80s, if I remember correctly he's only helpless during the passed 5 years or so. He often said if he doesn't walk a lot, he wouldn't be able to walk. He's also a heavy smoker so I guess here's one case that had proven the theory of smoking shorten life wrong.

Honestly speaking, I wasn't too devastated with the news because it was expected at his age, and I felt that this is a relief to the living and a relief to ah gong. Again, I really cannot imagine, and am afraid to imagine how much pain he must have had during his last few years of life. Even one of the caretakers told us she wouldn't want to live till such old age, perhaps 60 years is quite enough for her.

Perhaps it's a coincidence, or maybe we do need some "cleansing" of our bodies. Sis and I had been sick. I started throwing up on Sunday night, in the middle of chanting for ah gong. Sis was down with terrible tummy upset the next morning. Mum was at the chanting session from midnight till noon the next morning and witness wonderful signs suggested that ah gong has "wang sheng" to the western pure land.

I'd to conduct a training this morning hence I reported to work for half a day and that was when I tendered my resignation letter. Which will be another story, another day. I left office by noon to lead a chanting session at my uncle's, where ah gong now lies until the cremation. If you would chant "amituofo" for ah gong, here's the script you can read at the end of your chanting:

愿以此功德
回向已故赖友居士
未往生，速往生
已往生，增长福慧
往生净土，增高品位
发菩提心，一向专念阿弥陀佛
同生净土，同圆种智

南无阿弥陀佛！

Final Chapter

It has been 3 years. And the relationship will be ending in a month starting tomorrow. I'm not sure if there is any right or wrong decision towards ending this relationship but I know that it gave my heart great relief when the decision was made, although it's also scary to resign without another job secured.

The person whom I am resigning from is one who likes to criticize on other people's decisions, only his are the best. No one else but him is good in doing all the tasks in the world. Whichever other company you join will definitely be a doom to you by his judgement. Whichever path you choose to follow after leaving his, he will definitely have some good pieces of advice for how best you should walk. Whatever thing that you didn't get that resulted in you leaving today, will happen tomorrow, so if you stay, you will get them the next day. He will tell you that you are leaving at the peak of the business, that we are sooooo close to harvesting the fruits.

Lets see whether I will make an exception tomorrow, and get an easy exit interview.

I have butterflies in my stomach, fluttering with excitement!

Happy Mother's Day

My relationship with mum has became bad along the way, and I don't even know when... She told me that she had taught me wrongly - so does it mean that I need to do other than those she told me to?

Anyways, lets not give up on trying. After all, no one is supposed to choose your mother.

I'd tried to talk to her with positive vibes, threw more cautious towards the tone of my speech, keeping back the actual emotion and choose the news that I deliver to her selectively.

It's working.

At least I think it is... when I told mum today that I'm changing to a new job, she asked me what about my plan for doing TeaRoom. I was so relieved to hear that, so she's not going to go head strong against the TeaRoom plan. When I also told her that I will be taking a long break before starting new job, she said that will give me more time to take orders and bake at home. Another relief from me. Finally, I told her I am negotiating on a flexible working hour for new job so that I can still spend relatively enough time for baking and when TeaRoom commercial materializes, I will be able to manage.

Mum was overall receptive towards the change, and she said she felt it was a good thing I joined this company as I'd learnt a lot (she used to comment that I made a bad decision on taking up this current job) and she said the change should be good.

Phew..... It's so easy talking to mum when she's in this "version".

Baked mum a gooey butter cake today, and we are all bringing her out for a Japanese buffet. I hope mum doesn't feel pressured or anything with our presence or whatever we do.

Happy mother's day to my mum! Hope her life will be a peaceful and serene one from now. Hope she has given up worrying TOO much about us and that she fully enjoy her life with the company of her grandchild, and many more to come :)

想念

发现很多时候想念你，比想把你忘记容易，因为心里有你总比把你从心里掏出来少一点心疼。

今晚特别想念你的微笑，想念你穿长袖衬衫的帅气，想念你吃巧克力蛋糕的摸样，想念和你相望的时刻，想念坐在你身边看你专注驾车的神态，想念。。。

Another Week

This week has been... hmmm, tiring.

First there was this briefing in office by boss on the new business defination and directions. Along with that new tasks and some changes which made me really tired just by imagining. It is also especially tiring when you no longer like what you are doing I suppose.

Followed by being tired of work, there was a cake order which was phsically tiring. But since it was something I love doing, the mind was feeling motivated. Having said that, at 1am the first night, the body was screaming for a break. Second night, I was asking myself why, oh why did I accept the order at 2am. Went to sleep at 5am hoping that I can sleep through the whole day the next day. After delivering the cake, I felt great!

I go through this stage everytime when I am rushing for a cake order at odd hours. It's always like that because one can never complete the cake order way in advance I suppose when one is dealing with perishable items. Need to keep them relatively fresh? Work last minute. Again, having said that, it would be useful if the orders are confirmed earlier, especially the theme to allow advance making of the figurines which needed time to dry and harden. Making the figurines in advance will also allow chance for re-sculpturing for a more perfect version.

That was work, my two jobs...

Had dinner with MFG just before I needed to work late nights for the order. Looks like MFG is still the guy that knows me best (notice I said guy? so I meant to say there are many gals who know me well and know me best guy is MFG... :)) and know to say the right thing all the time while being honest. Supportive, chatty, humourous at the right time, caring, good mentor... (good looking, fit, non-smoker, have own business... :p) just the kind of husband I'm looking for. Anymore MFG type out there who are available?

Nevertheless, I had a great Wednesday having spent dinner time with MFG, and on my way back, I bumped into (not really lah, like walked passed, saw each other) a local singer, movie actor - that perfected my night.

The icing of the cake that night was a job offer. Great! I need a change but there are things that are complicated, and everthing looks very unsettled now. Or perhaps should rather say I feel very unsettled and cannot see my future clear. Dreams are not yet coming true but change is urgently required. I resolved in praying hard and let amituofo decides and tell me what will be best.

After rushing to deliver the cake on Saturday evening, I had a real great time with sis, BIL and bebe. Time spent with family is always great. Too bad mum is not the same set of puzzle... sigh. Just came back from dinner with sis & fam, and one of her friends and this pretty sums up the week. I think I need a break, an off day other than weekends.

I'm feeling sleepy now and this is a good news for a Sunday night, looks like I won't have insomnia tonight. Finger crossed :)