Slowing down?

Last week felt like a breeze, passed by like without effort, I cannot even remember what happened last week... whereas this week, right now, I am feeling like the week is dragging. It's only Tuesday today :(

But something to be cheerful about is that MFG is finally coming back! It's strange, I don't see MFG all the time, but knowing that he's not in the country makes me miss him a lot. Although we still get to chat on line for a while, he's just so far away. There was this one day which I nearly forget about the time difference and that he'll be going to sleep soon so only managed to say "hi" before he went off... So he'd finally left for home again, and he said there's a present for me - NOT from him, from another friend over there.

I have been talking to a childhood friend of MFG lately, a very nice lady. My stomach always churned when she told me about olden days of MFG, as I have observed, MFG is a really caring friend, very willing to give, good heart and all... sigh. There was this one time where she told me to take care of her friend here (MFG) after she'd married off overseas. Sigh... if MFG allows me to do that... she said he just need someone to sit by him sometimes, have ice cream with him by the road side... so sweet. Told her I will try.

At work, it has reached this point where I feel like jumping off, abandoning the place. I'm not sure if the people there are living in their own illusion, or avoiding problems, or trying to fool us. And I hate to lie for the company, so when the boss said to hold payment of a certain supplier, I will tell the supplier "sorry, boss said to hold your cheque", I'm not going to give script that says oh, my boss is travelling and no one to sign your cheque, or oh, we've transferred the money maybe stuck at the bank... If the boss won't stop lying, at least I should stop helping him to tell lies. Anyways, it's not my company, so can I please just relax? Yes. I. Can.

On the other note, I am keeping up with my morning workout okay, but I am growing fat in the same time, I still cannot fit into my older pants, and the weight scale has been showing increasing reading. I am heavier than I've started my morning workout 3 weeks ago. I've cut down my dinner to oats and cereal. Perhaps I shouldn't be taking so much milk even though low fat milk? Switch to brown bread? Have fruit juice only? Arghhh... something is wrong with me. I used to be able to at least maintain my weight without a diet, the workout alone will be able to help me maintain the weight.

Okay, let me monitor me for another 3 weeks before I do anything drastic to "improve" the situation. Meanwhile, let me also try to have enough sleep and see how.

Speeding

Wow... One week already? This blog has became a weekly event but didn't reflect my rather free schedule lately.

Flew through this week, only missed my Wednesday RPM, else my gym workout schedule this week was like last week. No, I did't lose my stubborn 5kg yet, pants not so loose yet either... so I patiently wait. Meanwhile, the debate between maggi mee and oats continues.

Alright, I am suddenly sleepy, but don't feel like abandoning the whole post, so I guess I'll continue with story telling tomorrow, or so.

The water is still a bit choppy

I had a good week this week :)

First of all, the good start on Monday, and I am most satisfied with my workout achievements:

Mon - RPM
Weds - RPM
Thurs - Pump
Fri - RPM

I will most probably top that up with a weights workout tomorrow to end the week.

However, despite the okay workout schedule, I got fatter already. I think it is because of too much eating out and I didn't go on strict diet for breakfast and lunch. I shall work on my dinner intake and menu next week. Then lets try to cut down on "bad" food for lunch.

Baking biz wise, not that great, came down to just one order a week. Ohh... I got an order from an old friend - I knew her when we went to UK for our degree, that was erm... 14 years ago! I didn't see her after I came back as she went back to Kuantan. Later, she got married and is staying in KL, very near to my office actually, but we haven't yet made an effort to meet or catch up :p... so I will be seeing her to deliver the cake for her daughter's birthday. She wants Mickey and Minnie in the garden. :) Cute. But hopefully Mickey and Minnie look like them :p

Other than those, the household issue is still not settled. Although everyone appears to talk to everyone and looks okay, but everyone (at least I know MC and I) is still very pressured. I wish there is a way out like perhaps everyone just move out and stay alone instead of staying with each other. I find it hard to not take those words mum said the other day lightly this time. I am taking it very seriously and am really still hanging on to all those she told me. Those must have been what she is really experiencing now, and how she really feel about me. While I don't wish to change me, she will just have to live with it and not bother me, or she will just have to get me out of her sight.

For now, let MC focus on her new house hunt and moving out first. I hope her mission can be accomplished soon.

There has been some drama at work too and it is really pressing that I leave the job and start the cafe. Please, please, please...

Though all those happenings, I tried not to think about them during this week aiming to give myself a good week. Lets leave the problems till tomorrow, after a good night sleep.

A happy post

Clicked into my blog and I can see that it's drenched in tears and clouded with gloomy moods. So I decided I want to amuse myself by posting one happy post :)

You know, I had a really good start of the week with a happy Monday; It's rare, I know.

Although I had slight insomnia on Sunday night, very usual, but I managed to wake up without any difficulties in the morning, 5.30am! Went to the gym and went into the lift with a guy that said "thank you" to me for holding the lift. That same gentleman then held the heavy gym door for me to enter. Ahhh... that made my morning, meeting really nice and polite people.

Managed to leave a huge pool of sweat at my bike area after a good workout in the RPM class. I know yucks, but it's an indication of good workout. Haha... I was even on time to get to the office and not only that, I managed to go get something different to eat from the Chinese stall opposite the street instead of canteen downstairs. So felt really cheered up after breakfast.

Got my guardian plush toy redeemed after that and that big head giraffe was just so cute it made me smile :).

And surprisingly the traffic back home was good! Not to say no congestion at all but it's only 10% as compared with the usual horrible jam. And that slight jam was caused by a trailer that has broken down. Not bad at all considering that it was a huge vehicle blocking the road.

Ended my Monday with a healthy dinner - cereal and 2 sticks of carrots. So I'm super satisfied with being "good". Heh...

Okay, my Monday actually ended with on line chat with MFG... which I only remember now - I told Carebear just now that my happy post has nothing to do with MFG what so ever. Haha...

:) Looking forward to a good week.

no clue

I've no clue what's going on.

Seems like mum is "okay" as in she's not being sarcastic, not avoiding us, didn't set more "rules" for the house/ life etc... The only difference is she's no longer cooking dinner - which is fine by all of us I think; and she told us to giver her less money and she will do the AA split when she gets the bills... complicated, but I'm not about to clarify or argue what so ever. Whatever she wants lah... Is she still moving out? No clue.

Tired.

TeaRoom location - not looking good. Please, please, please... can this be easier?

Patience.

I wonder if money matter is what that matters

Latest update is mum will still take care of her grandchild. Because the not so latest update was mum didn't want to take care of my little baby niece. Change is definitely possible for mum, and it is taking place every other day on the same matter.

I have no clue how mum wants to deal with household expenses now, she said split. Fine. She gave me back the money I gave her today, only took one third of it. Because she said I need to be paying A LOT of other expenses. Also fine.

Hey, I want to live alone can or not? Or let me handle the household expenses. Tsk...

One can become from upset to angry and annoyed.

After that one will become immune and cannot be bothered.

I am completing the last phase of this scenario.

Whatever...

Change is possible

That's what the car park auto pay machine at The Gardens will tell you - "Change IS possible" - Not in capital letter, that is edited by me.

I don't think there is a single thing in this universe that will not change. When we say a person never change, we normally refer to a certain aspects of this person... My mum for example, doesn't think that my personality or attitude will ever change. True to a certain extend as I've lived 30 over years into who I am today, change is possible but take time and also great effort to convince myself to take the change. Besides, many things have became habits, believes and also part of my life.

I've given out part of my start up funds to mum. I hope, I really really hope this will provide her a the security that she is seeking for. If mum feels that I am an irresposible and not home-caring (if there's such term) person, perhaps I am and most probably I will always be. So I hope this other form of gesture will help her feel more comforted. And I also hope that by her buying herself another house/ flat will further provide her with the secure that she wants.

Mum moving out? Yeah, she has the plan and I somehow wish she will, not that I don't want to "take care" of mum, but I think we might appear like a burden for her because she has to take care of us. I don't know how arrangements between other children and parents are but I somehow feel that perhaps mum does not have enough "freedom", not that we restrict her from her daily activities, but she must have felt that she is responsible for a lot of matters related to her children. I don't think mum has ever lived a totally carefree life, since young she has to help support her family by working and earning money, when she got married she was responsible for a lot of dad's "problems", her business has been great but later she was responsible for all those "mess"... Maybe she's okay (I'm sure she is okay) to take care of house chores now, perhaps she's happy that we gather around for dinner having her home cooked food... but perhaps it's time she takes a break as well and only does thing for herself.

Mum said she will stop cooking us dinner from next month (tomorow), so today is our "last supper" haha... anyways, I think it's a good arrangement - I want to go on a diet :). Cutting down on dinner is the most effective way in loosing the weights. I want to go on salad, oats and fruits for dinner. Besides, this also mean that we don't need to stress going back for dinner, and mum doesn't have to stress not "meeting our expectations".

MC and BIL is also planning to move out. Actually I'd like to say "hooray!", IF I will be living alone on my own. But it's going to take some more time for changes to take place, but definitely changes is taking place and I will make sure there are some changes. I think it will do us good :)

Meanwhile, I'm going on the "no news is good news" concept for mum - I won't share too much information with her. She doesn't have to feel the difference when I undergo changes... I hope it works this time.