I have decided

It has been 4 long years... the struggle continued from where I left this blog but there have also been a lot of good times despite the financial suffer. After personally meeting my idol up close through the platform of this cake biz, I must say that there is no more regrets putting a full stop for TeaRoom.

Yes, the shop will be closed end of this month. It has not been an easy decision and I've cried nights making this decision. Although it deeply sadden me but it is a relief not just for me but I know it is too for people around me who had supported me all these years. I couldn't have survived if it wasn't for the financial support from my sister, Aunty and AAA.

Now it is time for a new chapter and time to mend my life through a major restructuring of my financial situation. I need to be able to take care of my family again and not just the other way around.

加油!

Need more work

This month, 2 years ago, I was in HK and got my new gadget. So many has changed yet so many things remained the same. Many things that I once feared and wanted to find an easy way out then but now I feel like certain things I feared may just lead to more success; most of the time, we need to go the hard way. I am surprisingly looking forward to longer business hours, more work and busier schedule.

Still struggling but lets see if I can pull through after another 6 months. Otherwise, perhaps I cannot survive any longer anyways.

Also discovered that people I once adored so much and so wanted to speak to actually annoys me much. Have I changed so much or... I was just blind then. Haha...

Where do I go?

It does seem like I am doing a half yearly blogging over here. Needless to mention, it has been really hectic. Last week was really hectic though I have came across more tiring weeks. Something I noted, however, was that I have particularly missed MFG during the past whole week. It has been kind of calmer for a long while till lately again. (I just read my last post and indeed I felt milder towards this). Just found from another friend that he was overseas, was that the reason I missed him especially more? He has been further away...

Like I have just told another girl friend of mine (I cannot remember all those nicknames I gave to my blog characters!) that the MFG chapter is a no ending story. There will be an end but there will not be a fruitful one. Except for, of course, the great friendship between us.

Anyways, the cake biz was so bad that I have decided that I would want to go back to work, perhaps 5 half days and then work here half day, that was also when the cafe was really so quiet when I made that decision. No, it didn't happen yet because I was not actively searching for a job and I got really busy last week.

Going to the extreme will be to close down this business, which will be such a waste but I have no choice because I need income to prevent my status to becoming "bankrupt". As for now, I am staying and eating for free supported by MC, how grateful I am... but it cannot be for long, besides free lodging there has also been a lot of money borrowed. It is really bad.

I wonder if I can talk about something more cheerful the next time I blog...

How are you feeling?

It has been more than half a year since I last blogged. Tearoom has taken over my life and it is not always what I feel that I wanted. But there is no such thing as a full fledged, smoothly operating Tearoom on day one... I have been through really rough time, not really with starting up and operating Tearoom, but more of my personal life especially the financial bit. I am still having financial problems only taking a break last 2 months because I was blessed with a great boss from my project consulting job and to give up my house, I gain some extra income.

But not for long, I am not sure how I am able to pull through for next month, actually, this coming month end.

Maybe if I open all my ang pows I will have enough money to pay all my bills? Yes, still single and still the same MFG. But there has been signs that Time has diluted the feelings, and I am sure MFG will be so happy and relieved to know, that is IF he knows that I still have strong feelings towards him. No one else has appeared in my life otherwise, is it a sign? Or it simply means that I have no life lately. I cannot recall the date of his birthday though, perhaps that's a sign too? Or it simply means that I am not organized and have no time for friends lately.

Which ever way, I hope to improve the quality of my life this year. Have now settled in comfortably in my sis house and feel really like home. So blessed. It's strange but home is a feeling and not a place that was why I have not been feeling like home recently until I moved in here. It's also more comfortable working figurines as well as paper work on this work desk I am occupying now.

Perhaps some items need to be taken out from the dream list, but whether there is any "replacement dream" or just work on the current dream is what I hesitate to decide.

Sometimes you take so much time wishing for something, it might take you equally long time to "unwish" them...

Dream-ing

It's opened!

TeaRoom is FINALLY opened, as an outlet, a cafe... But of course it was a mess and we are all still trying to fine tune the operations and hopefully able to find the right way to operate it so that it does not close down!

It's so unreal, many people congratulating me on my dream coming true, after 4 years! But at many points I asked myself why do I want to do this! And if anyone ask me at this very instance, my advice is DON'T do it! But hopefully soon I will be contented and can tell you that I enjoyed the experience and am glad that I did this - hopefully not too long away.

Meanwhile, following up from my last post, I got the bell :)

"Fragile"

I'm still waiting...

Waiting for time to pass and feeling to go. Meanwhile, I know I'm not quite there yet when all I feel like doing now is to tell you that I miss you.

It's funny that I always tell MFG that he's my best friend. But it's not quite like any of my best friends. How to explain...?

With other people, it is a lot easy asking certain questions but when it comes to MFG, there are some partcularly difficult to ask questions, like "where are you going?", "How long?" and the most challenging one for me is "WHO are you going with?". Actually, to think of it, I don't remember asking that question. If I really really can't stop myself, I will ask "are you going alone?" haha... And if his answer is "No." fullstop, then there will be no more questions, haha...

There was this very incident last week during one of those adhoc lunch meets with MFG. The conversation went... Okay, I can't even remember how the conversation went but it suddenly got to me when he said something like "especially I need to get ready for my trip next week" blah blah...

And then I said "ohhh" and with great hesitation, I asked "where are you going?" (although I don't see him everyday and it doesn't make a difference to my everyday life, but I still feel that emptiness kind of feeling just knowing that he is not in town/ the country)

Then I remember that I asked "Where is Geneva?" Haha... No I won't ask the "who" question. :)
And then "ohh... Switzerland, then you can get me chocolates, and I want the cow bell!" (did I get the country right? Or should that be Germany?) :p

And MFG said he has no time for shopping... Did I asked the "how long?" question? I can't remember but I remember asking him why he was going and I got quite a few information from then onwards. I got the "going Monday coming back Saturday" and "I am going there for..." and I have been told "going with aaa and bbb" and then the "no time for shopping, even his friend told his wife that they are not going shopping".

Me: "airport duty fee?" :D

Haha... that wasn't too bad. Even managed to finally typed the "I will miss you" when I send him whatsapp message before he board the plane. Then to my pleasant surprise we managed to have a short MSN chat with him when he was waiting for his connecting flight. While I was sleeping, he was off for his 12 hours flight plus 3 hours train ride. Awww poor thing, such a tiring trip. But I'm sure he was with good company - two of his guy friends I know were going with him.

No matter what, the relationship is best friend labelled "handle with care".

Is my dream finally coming true?

Is it real?

I got the keys today to the future TeaRoom. Even when I typed this, it seemed so unreal and scary too. It is not a time for hesitation and questioning of ability, but I will be so amazed if this works out as (or better than!) I have always dreamt of.

Even MFG said he can't wait... well, I can't wait to see him more, hopefully everyday - that will be double dream come true. But since it sounded too good to be true, it is most probably not true.

Perhaps one dream at a time. I am feeling super lucky and blessed to have great partners around. If not for them, this cannot happen and it is not because I haven't the courage to do it, but will be because I cannot afford it. What have I done to deserve this? I must do more for others, I promised myself.

I missed my guinea pig tonight, I wish I can tell her that TeaRoom is finally going to be up. I missed mum tonight, I wish I can tell her that I am really thrilled about getting TeaRoom started. But they are both so far away from me in different ways...

It's finally happening!

I started the TeaRoom brand name in year 2007 and was selling cakes before that. Started baking? That was when I was in primary school, my current moist chocolate cake was "founded" when I was in high school junior middle 3... I have been wanting to start TeaRoom for ages, at one point I got really frustrated that things were not working out.

After a while, I learnt to be patient and trust that good things happen to those who waits. We registered Tearoom Sdn Bhd more than a year ago and since aggressively looking for a suitable place. I won't say that the one we have booked is the best place, it might not even be termed as ideal, but it is good enough and I think is a good start - it's a start.

So finally, it's going to happen in June, a quiet opening of TeaRoom first outlet! I am excited of course but worried also that things might not fall into places. Well I guess we just have to constantly pick up pieces and try to make ends meet. Whoever said it is going to be easy? No one every told me that, but everyone told me to have faith, and faith I should have.

MFG asked me out for dinner last week. I would love to say that things are finally happening with him too, but sigh. He was organising a dinner with some friends and he asked me to join. But good enough to be in his circle of friends I supposed - those were all his friends that I got to know lately through him. It was kind of nice to be at his side although no string attached whatsoever. You know I always like someone taking care of me at the dining table, dishing food into my plate - I meant when it is someone I like and not the waiter. So I got that "service" the whole night, although I was not the only one he was dishing food for haha... I can sometimes make things sound rather romantic depending on the way I write it :p He is so really caring and I still like him so so much...

He is the kind of guy who doesn't really put ego first and he is always there for his friends. He is not afraid of being bullied, actually he doesn't see it that way. Everyone loves him. And so I went into one of my Ally Mcbel fantasies and imaging him telling me that he is getting married, to another girl. I remember doing that heart test some months ago... Last week was a busy week and I actually did not find myself thinking about MFG so much. I was beginning to miss him and thought I will ask him out for lunch this week. And that was when I got his message for the dinner gathering...

What was the result of my heart test? No cold sweat this time, heart felt okay although I will still not attend the wedding and no wedding cake from me, sorry. Maybe time is really the essence. I feel kind of so "sayang" to just let him "go"...

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger

I'm back after about one month... not too bad lah even though there it is dusty in here already. Cough cough...

I have been really busy - I basically have 3 jobs now: TeaRoom, Project Consultant and HK Web Consultant aka copy writer. I am planning to take up the offer from MFG for one of his market research job. I know I am really busy, but I do have some spare time some times when I don't need to write... and it is MFG we are talking about here, if you know what I mean ^^

Next week, I will know if my TeaRoom venue can be confirmed. If all go well, you will be able to have tea with me at TeaRoom in May or June this year. If you are thinking about invitation, I am not having a party. I just want to open shop, start business and get the revenue stabilized. Then we talk party when I have the budget. But please do drop by when it's open :)

Meanwhile, the topic of the world is currently the tsunami disaster in Japan. Even being attacked by such disaster its people still appear to me as the strongest people I have known. In dire moments, they did not go hysterical, they know exactly what to do, they support each other, the even still queue up at the supermarket to get urgent supplies - imagine this in other countries, there would have been robbery cases everywhere already. I really admire them as being the kind of person they are. I truly believe that they will be able to stand back up again very soon, and they will stand taller and stronger than ever. I am not surprised that they may even think of a way to ensure survival of tsunami - if it does happen again. But touch wood that nothing serious will happen to them again. Some might say that it is karma for what they have done centuries ago, and if that is true, good for them because they have paid up hefty sum of debts this time and they should be freed from bad karma very soon. My prayers are with them.

Lucky me, I am currently enjoying a great life. I only need to go to office 2 times a week for 2 half days. I am managing my TeaRoom orders so that I don't have to suffer from last minute order that I had to get ready overnight. Extra income from copy writing. Most importantly, enjoying my free time :)

Free time not for long...

I'm back! For a split second...

Ish ishhhh.... I see cobwebs in here! Didn't even post any CNY greetings in here. Must come back for a belated spring cleaning.

I have loads to story but for now, I need sleep!

Did you know?

I was on FB and I kept seeing links to pictures I took with you, so I clicked into some of them. They reminded me that we used to spend so much time together those days. So many lunch alone with you, and I wished I had that special feelings towards you from day one, at least I would have enjoyed being alone with you in a different and special way more times. Those were the days when you were my lunch "sponsor" including driving me around for lunch all the time. Did you know that actually some of the later lunch became really special for me? I love the way I feel when you bought me pineapple because you knew that it's my favorite fruit.

I used to make you my number one guinea pig. Did you know that some of the items were not "experiments"? Most items were those I knew I can make very well. Did you know how contented I felt whenever I managed to make something you like to eat?

At one point I was making fruit juices for you almost every morning, and I told you I was making for me and sis anyways and will give you the extras. Did you know that it wasn't entirely true? I had purposely made extra for you. I still remember that some nosy people in the office was trying to interrogate you for the source of your supply but since you promised me not to say, you let them think it was someone else. :)

Although I really like the way I feel when I see you everyday for the whole day, I really thought it was best that you left. Did you know when I first learnt that you wanted to leave, I was in such despair I cannot begin to describe? Especially when someone told me you wanted to leave the country.

Looking at one those pictures of ours, it reminded me that what I like most about you is not your achievements, or your personality, or your looks (although I really do love them all) but it was about who I am - how I feel whenever I am with you, how I look when I am beside you... I can see it from the pictures - I can see myself looking so beautiful until I cannot take my eyes off myself.

I miss me - the one with the contented face beside yours.

Be careful what you wish for

I just did a "heart test" and I got cold sweat with a big rock dropped into my stomach kind of feeling!

I told myself that MFG will turn up during our next meet up with his girlfriend. And it was a scary feel I got there. Geezzz... didn't realize that my heart is in such bad condition, it's really hard to believe how difficult it is to convince myself. And my head just told me to leave the heart alone already! Such pointless test!!

It is a night of "think too much" again, which is nothing new. I actually hated that hopeless feel I made my heart go through but I know now that I am still not ready for the news. When I used to like someone before MFG, I once wish for either things to happen or let there be something to "kill" the heart of that feeling. And I did get a piece of terrible (then felt) news that made me totally gave up on the feelings towards that guy in question. However, honestly, I don't remember that my heart felt this bad, I had that same cold sweat, end of hope feeling, but not as scary as now. Maybe I told my heart that "false" piece of news just now when I was alone. The last time I was told of the other mentioned piece of bad news, I had MFG right in front of me.

I looked back and can see "dots" all over the past... I remember being the one who told MFG to get to know more about the girl he was seeing and he found reason for him to stop seriously seeing her. He found reason for me to forget about the guy I used to like so much.

I met him when he was so ready to settle down, I was happy to guess that I wasn't too far from the kind of person he might like. I used to think for the past many years that I want to be single, but I felt otherwise after I get to know my feelings towards MFG. We were (are) both single and had quite a lot in common (or I'd like to think so) but I can't seem to see the line that is supposed to join all the "dots". I am still hoping that the dots are yet to be joined, or joining but requires more dots. I have my best friends and mentor telling me to "give up" and I failed my "heart test" miserably".

I am afraid, SO afraid to make the same wish again. So I am going to be really selfish and make a slightly different wish - I wish for a "replacement block" for the heart before the dent is created, can?

Please...

Happy New Year!

Again, how come end of year is the time to review "KPIs" for the whole year and new year is to set new (recycle) resolutions?

Oh well, here goes... 2010 has been a year of many changes for me. Biggest risk I took was resigning from my full time job to be full time baker. Okay, not exactly for the first few months, but it is now. Income has been really unstable, it is really scary. With lesser courage, I would have jumped back into the rat race already. But for now, I feel that so long as I believe in what I do and have faith, things will work out with God answering our prayers. I do not know what is set forth for me career wise, I don't even know if I am able to get an ideal space to start up TeaRoom anytime soon or not. But it does seem logic, and the only way to have TeaRoom store front set up this year, in 2011. Finger crossed.

Another major change in life is the moving out of sis, BIL and baby from this house. It gave a really "empty" feeling at first. I even cried a lot when I first learnt of this arrangement, that time mainly because of mum who has resulted in this move. But to think of it, this is actually a good arrangement, mum although appeared to be cruel, but she has done a big favour. Sis should really have her own place, a place that belongs to her and her family to do whatever she likes with freedom she couldn't get when she was with me. Besides, there was really not enough space for 3 of them in my house. I was expecting mum to have moved out too last year, but that major change has been reserved for year 2011. I didn't ask her when so I'm not sure myself what's the plan.

With the above two changes alone, my life has changed tremendously from everyday routine to spending, to lifestyle... It's really uncertain but I will have faith :).

As for MFG, he is still my favorite guy. So many people told me to give up, some said hope is there... I don't want to begin to analyse the situation or how I feel or anything like that. The fact is, whether I give up or not is not the issue here... I'll just let MFG be where he is now and wait, wait for the right guy to appear. Or I'll just stay put at where I am. I guess I spent so many years wishing and hanging on to the idea of being single that I might need equally many years to wish OUT of that. Warrrhggg... That would be say another 20 years or so... a long wait indeed! LOL!

"KPI" for 2011? No, nothing... will see how it goes and take things one at a time. Will deal with it when I need to. As for now, right now, there is CNY bake to "look forward" to. What a year - the past and the coming one!

Merry Chrismas!

Happy Boxing Day more like, and it is actually over...

No wonder the statistic told me that I only have 2 average readers daily. I am surprise there are 2, my last post was 8 December!!! Haiyo... have I been that busy?

Actually I had due to Christmas baking. And I originally planned to put up a long post here but don't know what I did, dilly-dally, and now it's midnight. I got to catch some sleep for a good 2 hour gym session early tomorrow morning. Haha...

I will TRY to put up another post tomorrow k :p

Milestone... new year resolutions?!

Christmas is coming soon, I am hoping to prepare some treats to give out as Christmas present. I don't remember giving any last year, I think I was quite busy then? But I have something very decorative but might not be delicious in mind haha... okay, depending whether you like sweet stuff or not lah actually :) - A VERY decorative cookie. Yes, you read right, A COOKIE. ^^

Was suppose to meet another friend to have lunch tomorrow together with MFG, but MFG had to travel, last minute family matter. I actually miss him a lot these few days, perhaps it's the year end mood. Another year is ending, and what are the milestones achieved? Must we do KPI review every year? Haha... I think the biggest move I made this year was resigning to take up full time on cake biz. Things are looking alright, I am not starving to death and I can pay my bills. Hoping for a good month in December so that I can give mum more money as her year end treat/ CNY pocket money. Finger crossed.

And by the way, if you saw my Rolex watch cake recently, it was ordered by my manicure beautician (how do you call them?). Just a casual conversation had turned into a potential business of a thousand ringgit! Yes, she booked another cake for her brother, which I expect to be a fancy one also. So far her single spending on TeaRoom has been more than RM600!

Meanwhile, baby has grown up so much, I always feel very touched and contented that she is growing up so fast, learnt so fast and being such good company to mum. I think mum will be moving out soon, and I hope that she will be happy with her new life staying alone - not that I am such a big company now... but still. Totally alone. That applies to me as well.

No new year resolution for me, won't set any. But I have set a timeline to achieve the next so called milestone for TeaRoom - to make a decision on location and where to go, what to do exactly by end January, before CNY.

Hope is something you give yourself, and dream is what make a person so alive! "jia you" 加油to myself!!

Tired...

MFG bought me coffee at Starbucks, just before the hectic and busy week...

So tired!!!

Just delivered, to be exact, 1080 pieces of cupcakes and a handbag plus sandal cake to the ING event. My auntie was there attending the dinner, she said some of the lions on the mini cupcakes "tumpang" already :((( sigh... all the hard work and all the worries, the imperfections. Sigh... hope the organizer won't be too disappoint about it. It is due to cupcakes not filling up the box tightly (odd numbers required per box) and also too much movements already. Just now I was at the convention centre sending the cucpakes, and I had to use the loading area, going through the back area, moving cupcakes here and there after the car journey, and then the waiters moving the cupcakes to the tables... Anyways, it was great experience but REALLY hectic. The baking was not the worse, although it took me more than 10 hours! I worked from 10am till 3.30am the next day last night! That was some more with help from my cousin sis, cousin bro and his girlfriend! Imagine if I had to do that all alone. I think if it was only cupcakes, I can manage alone, but I had to get the handbag and sandal ready, that took me almost a day! It was good money, but not sure if I have the courage to take another similar order without really securing enough help. It's scary...

I also delivered another box of cupcakes today, why? Because she booked her order 2 months ago! Else I wouldn't have taken any orders for the whole week, leave alone same day... geezzz, her figurine also fell off from the cupcakes!! Haiiiyaa... is it possible that the box of cake stays really horizontal without any tipping, shaking and sliding? It is impossible for figurines to be "UHU" glued onto the cupcakes... :(

Anyways, I hope the dramas didn't cause too much of drama or disappointment towards the tearoom brand, since the branding was all over the 108 boxes of cucpakes. Luckily the customers were really happy with the handbag cake... won't you? (ohh... check out the TeaRoom blog a few days later for the post...)

I am actually really tired, but I need to do more in order to survive, my income depending despeately on being able to do more...

Hope to be able to catch up with MFG next week, I think I only "spoke" to him 3 times and didn't see him at all this week. Actually I had hardly seen anyone this week. Even sis and bebe is away in Australia for their holiday...

Okay, sleep? Good night. :)

Follow your heart

I was talking to MFG tonight about my "future", whether to accept job offers and maybe I can work for him part time when I desperately need money to buy food. The conclusion was that, even though there is not enough income to support my living, I am not ready to sacrifice TeaRoom for a full time job now.

For today's "closing" to our chit chat session, instead of just the usual "I'm going to bed, good nite", MFG shared this link with me.



Don't waste your life living someone else's life... have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

Snap shots

Been to gym at LM a lot recently since it's nearest to house and although my favorite instructors are not there, but there is this instructor who is not bad teaching Monday RPM (and pump). If I am not in a hurry normally I will join both RPM and Pump, but if some what in a hurry then RPM and some free weights, or when I am busy I will at least join RPM. Super busy? MIA from gym altogether.

I know sometimes when we need to push ourselves or release some "pain", we need to shout and scream it out. But there is this auntie at LM who really overdo the so called scream, more like moaning, or like sadist moaning in pleasure... you imagine the rest. And there was this one time she chose the bike beside me, geezzz.... pain in my ears! I can also see another 2 aunties looking back and then gossiping. Most probably talking bad about this moaning auntie. Seriously, it was very annoying lah!

I also observed that there is this auntie who will take off her top after warming up. Which is common lah, but her exercise attire underneath the top was like bra, bra instead of the exercise bra/ tank top. But that's just me from the back view :). Another rather "posh" looking young auntie (at lease she projected a younger image) always wears branded top with matching tennis skirt to all her classes. Oh well, gym fashion. Mind you, she looks toned up and fit. I would like to age so gracefully like her. That is, if she is an aged lady :p

xxxxxxxx

I sometimes do update that personal message section in my MSN messenger. And I recently found that MFG actually notices my messages all the time. Being the most caring person I've know, he had checked if I was okay when I put up the ":(" after the death of my oh so beloved guinea pig (sobsss). Recently I put up a "Almost gone crazy" (In Chinese) message and he asked me what happened... I supposed then once upon a time when I put up this message, perhaps he might have seen it then "... 是我爱你太多， 才会每天多么想知你其实心里有没有我..."

Anyways, this MFG case is a "sigh" case... Even my biz partner asked me today and I told him it is a closed file. I told him whatever he wants to do to "help", please just don't scare this best friend of mine away. MFG is always there for me, he is my best gossip buddy, great consultant for work, the first person I greet good morning and the last person I wish good night almost everyday. So, please just don't spoil that. I rather not have him as the special someone than risk losing him as my good friend. Nevertheless, I told my biz partner that MFG is still the one I want to marry if he wants to marry me. For now at least. So til then...

xxxxxxx

I think one of my corporate orders is confirmed. If so, I need to deliver 1000 pieces of cupcakes, and potentially 100 pieces of 3D lion. You know what that means? Yes, good income for this month, but I need to spend at least, AT LEAST, 50 hours making the lions!!! Can you imagine? If I work 10 hours per day, I need 5 days (ONE WEEK!) but of course I am not able to work 10 hours a day on it because I have other orders, and order errands. So say I work 5 hours a day (which is REALLY stretching) I need 10 days. I don't really look forward to seeing 100 sugar lions starring at me during one last minute 4am in the morning! Please pray that I will still be alive at the end of the session. So the solution would be charge a premium for the job to motivate myself, or stay away from the stress. See how...

xxxxxxx

I was sending 2 orders the other day and one of the customers requested to be at McD's at Connaught instead of my usual LM. So waited, both customers were late, but the time I deliver the second order, I had waited almost one hour already! And just when I was helping my second customer to load her cakes into her car, this JPJ police came by and wanted to saman my car!! Okay, yes I parked at the road side, but there are many more cars in front near McD's and that road is just outside the parking lot. It's not a busy street begin with. But no harm, luckily I saw and in time to run back to my car, of course was in time, my car is just in front of my customer's car, how far can my car be. But the annoying part was after he "gave me a chance" and not issue me the saman, he went back into his car and went off. Hey!! What about the other cars? Really no idea why he was only aiming at MY car! Humphhh...

xxxxxxx

Gym tomorrow, but before I go to sleep "early" I need to make a call to the other end of the world. Which means waiting for their working hour to start... wait...

Life life life...

Told MFG the other day before he left for his Bangkok trip that if you had time to do shopping, maybe he can get me a present, and I needed a name card. As you can see, guys are so practical, so he got me a great name card holder, genuine leather and all... but not "cute" hor? I miss that one I lost, the one from Carebear... but you know they say it's not about the item, it's about who gave you that item. Hee...

I am actually enjoying my life now, free and easy but not for long. I wish I can live like now forever. I guess one must still earn the living in exchange with one's energy, time, skills, knowledge etc... there is no such thing as free lunch, or in this case, free house, free car, free dinner, free gym.... the list goes on.

Now a days I am normally very busy towards end of the week... I was counting and it has been like that for erm... 5 weeks? This week looks leisure, speaking from a Monday night point of view but I never know. I just need to master the uncertainty of income and time allocation, try not to plan anything "heavy" towards end of the week...

So,nevertheless, if I live in "now" I am a very happy person. Although it's sad to not have MC and BIL (and little baby) close by, we still see each other and cherish the time we see each other more. There will be more changes down the road but I know that family will still be family, and goods friends will still be there no matter what. Oh yes, work will still be there unless I want to give up eating, driving and gyming :D

Farewell

My guinea pig died last Saturday... she was 7 years old.

I was glad that I witness the death. Seriously. I have been very busy for the past many many weeks and I am normally out on Saturdays. Coincidental, I was so free last Saturday at home and only planned to perhaps go for a swim at MC's place and have dinner with her during the late evening. I cancelled the plan later of course.

I was up attending to her in the morning changing the bedding in her cage, I gave the cage some extra scrubbing that day as it was really dusty after not thoroughly cleaning it for ages. Normally I will let her out to roam about and she will always jump back into the cage on her own when it is ready. A very well trained and clever pig she was...

When I place the cage back for her to go back in, I saw that she was lying rather flat on the floor instead of her usual standing or walking around. Ahhh... I knew she wasn't going to stay long. I had carried her for a long while, hugging her telling her that it was okay, and the time was right, and that Amituofo would be there to bring her to a better place if she desire. So no fear little piggy! After a long while, mum said that I can't be carrying her the whole day as mum predicted that pig will leave perhaps around 3pm ish or later. So I put her down, have her lying near to our altar where the statue of Amituofo was.

I was upstairs, and downstairs occasionally checking her out. She wasn't eating anything I placed near to her, she was lying to one side... the last time I went down because I "sensed something" and when I reach her, she was in such pain that I couldn't even touch her without her twitching. So I knew it was time. We can just tell. I stayed to chant Amituofo with her and for her... after a few minutes, I saw her drew a few, last, breath and she was gone. Rather peacefully I must say. She is now in our little garden, resting in peace.

It was really sad, especially when I pleaded (to whoever that could hear me) to let her go and not suffer anymore. However, I was glad that I was there when she left, imagine if I come back one day and discovered a dead pig! I really could not accept that... And thankfully, I had MC's and MFG's messages as company. Oh yes, the FB messages as well. Thank you all...

Life, or Buddha, will always have a way to arrange for things to take place and I trust that everything happen for a good reason. Thank you having me around during little pig's farewell. I am sure she is at a better place now.

This year is all about changes...

I woke up the next morning hurrying downstairs only to remember I no longer need to rush to feed my little pig; I walked passed where her cage used to be and there is no longer a cage. But it is a relief to have one less burden and responsibility.

Tomorrow will be a better day.