Wishes

I wish all of us will find our perfect pair one day.

Happy for those of you who already did :)

Milestone

Yay!!!! Finally completed two stressful and sleepless weeks! Graduated with passing marks and still alive :)

Now no matter how much I "sleep back" it didn't seem to help. I hope it is just PMS and hence I am feeling tired. This week I only have 4 orders, not too complicated and rather fun ones (NO HUMAN FIGURINES), so I guess I can kind of take a break. Too bad MC is not going to be free to hang out with me this week, and MFG is also not around. Not sure when MFG is coming back, he didn't know when I last asked him, and I didn't ask him again during our last few MSN conversation. He'll let me know when he's back I'm sure. He got my new iPhone 4 (free!) casing :) Happy...

Tomorrow will be 2 back to back classes, this coming week will be fruit juice week as well, I lost 1kg from going through the hectic weeks but I suspect is only muscle lost. So lets shed those weights and trim that waistline (and thighs!)

Panick

I am a bit panicky today. Or actually it has been since last few days. It could be due to a mixture of events, or it could be PMS and work stress.

My Ally McBel habit has gone worse, so I constantly must remind myself to change those thoughts to chanting, at least have the image of amituofo instead. But the mind goes wild most of the time when I am not "aware" of it. Like today, when I was driving, I picture myself being all alone in the house working on my cake and suddenly robbers came in! I some more reasoned with myself asking whether I can tell them to take whatever they want just leave alone my documents and iPhone? Also can they leave me alone to complete my cake order?

Crazy, I know. I can't help it, it is just like when you have a nightmare, you just cannot stop the dream, it goes one.

I also notice the feeling of uncertainty kicking in hard. I have this need of having someone around me constantly, I get scared when I am alone... it scares me that I actually feel this way. What is wrong with me? Geezzz... if I cannot live alone, I need to either get married or... erm. Stay with "someone".

I suddenly longing to have a married and being leisure "tai tai" life. Someone to take care of me, and I can just bake and take orders as I wish, as a passion instead of a stressful job to have ends meet. Now I can understand how it is like dreaming to get married. Haha... but seriously. That is my new target :)

There are some really big drama happening about the project I handle and pray is the only thing I can do right now.

Cake for competition not done yet!! I have to give the demo sesson tomorrow, which I paid RM30 for, a miss.

I hope I can sleep tonight.

Repair and replace

Have been receiving many advice telling me that I must be careful. (about the theft case of course) and not leave valuable stuff in the car, well, I guess who doesn't know. Only I alone know how it felt when one is really desperate.

I took the shortcut and it's pay back time now, but I am glad that I have paid back yet more bad karma. Today was a whole day of running around, but I was really pleasantly surprised that the government services are now really REALLY efficient and they are also super friendly. I spent less than half an hour at JPN, and I can collect my new IC tomorrow, they also did not fine me or impose any processing fee. THANK YOU!

I went to collect my credit card through the one hour replacement service so I have that back to arrange for all the auto debit details to be changed. No charge for credit card issuance of course, but the ATM cards are going to cost me.

The car window has been repaired, RM150, which my insurance will cover without affecting my NCD. So that's done.

Had to go back to collect the cake so that I can deliver them, and at this very rush timing, went to JPJ to get my drivers license. It was smooth there and it was done within half an hour. No need to go back, I go my new license (which I couldn't find the other day, maybe I left it at one of the places where I had to leave documents for entry registration!). The new license cost RM20.

Also managed to get my new Jusco card, RM12 as annual renewal fee and they gave me a new card without question.

The stuff that I really hate loosing are:
1) thumb drive - I hope it has been thrown away by the thief
2) card holder from Carebear
3) the dangling stuff on my bag from MC and MFG
4) my claranase full strip
5) new BB cream from Korea present from Aunt

Sometimes maybe there should be disasters in life (like the cake collapsing) so that we can start new and fresh, and with the bad experiences we have better skills in handling the matters with good foundation. :)

Now I have the cake competition to worry about!!! Only 3 days to work on it, I am so very tired, but I hope I don't recklessly take anymore desperate measures, at least not until much later :p

Disaster!

I remember very few incidents that I had been so terrified in my life. It was the despair, hopeless, I-don't-know-how-I-can-get-on-with-it, moment. I remember there was the first time I failed a paper and didn't dare to show mum the paper; there was time when I failed my first driving test... and my memory fails me there, perhaps it is good not to remember the distressing moments.

I was preparing a 2 tier cake for one of my friend's wedding, it is supposed to sit on the top of a cake tower with cupcakes below, so around 40 medium cupcakes. Plus 220 pcs of mini cupcakes as favors. It was really really stretching considering I didn't have any help. But finally on Friday, I has to surrender to SOS and called my cousin sister. MC also helped a lot, not only with the hands on work, but also by being there. I actually want to just put this incident at the back of my mind, but I want to blog about it and get over with this nasty feeling at the bottom of my stomach. Hopefully.

So there I was preparing the cake, the night before and it was around 10pm. CRASHED!!! The bride figurine suddenly fell off the cake and onto the FLOOR!! I was lucky she didn't crack or got damaged. But the cake was "broken" - there was a patch that fell off from the top tier and there was NO WAY it can be repaired. I texted MFG to tell him I am "SCARED". Really, it wasn't just stressed, but cold sweat scared. The wedding function was the next day!

After lifting the top tier off from the bottom, the bottom tier was damaged too. I really had cold sweat swept over me. Waves of nausea overtaken my senses. I didn't know what to do... How can there be no cake? Even though it was for my friend! I was at the edge of breaking down, only MC and cousin was there and told me that I should not give up and must try my best to salvage that. At the end, I decided to bake the cake again.

You have no idea how stressful that was, it took me THREE full days to get to that point and I only have 1 night? I was supposed to attend the church ceremony also but I decided to give that up, even though I was really looking forward to it, and I bought new dress for the event.

Then the groom figurine also started to fail me, I wanted to throw that away and make a new one, only MC reminded me that I do not have time - there was not enough time for the figurine to harden and be able to stand just overnight. She was right, luckily she was there to talk some sense onto me. So I had to just cover the imperfect legs.

I didn't have time to cry, only a lump chocking on my throat constantly. The night before I worked till 4am on the figurines and so on Friday night, I worked til 5.30am. It was really stressful and tiring till I wanted to just put my head down on the table and go to sleep - not to wake up: forever.

Finally, I pulled it through and it was delivery time, I really could not delay my journey anymore. In a rush, I found that my purse couldn't fit into my clutch bag. I wanted to just take out my IC and driving license and go without cash etc. BUT, I cannot find my driving license in my whole purse!! What happened? I didn't have time to figure out what happened to my driving license, so I took my whole handbag and left. I "hid" it in the boot. I know I am taking risk, I've done that before and I thought I might get away with it. After all, they can't track non electronic stuff in the boot right? And I took out all the cash, only left with RM20 (I originally had about RM600 in the purse). All those while, I hope the bag was well hidden and the mind was fully occupied with the delivery and what if the figurine fell off?? I would faint. You cannot imagine how scared I was. Even MFG after I told him what happened, he said he cannot imagine. He thought it was just a matter of working on it again with the extra few hours. I didn't think anyone can imagine how I felt.

Half way through dinner, I had gastric. I know I was really careless, I actually was so tired and sick that I felt like I didn't care about anything in the world anymore. So I went to take the pills from the car. Yes, my handbag was still there, and to think back, that must be the time when someone must have seen the handbag in he boot! I had this creep feeling at the back of my neck, but tiredness really overwhelm me. I still had another cake to prepare for the next morning. MORNING! And can anyone imagine how stressed out I was.

Anyways, you would have known. An hour later, I returned to my car to leave and my handbag was gone, along with shattered glass at the backseat window that was facing the main road. The thief didn't even smash the glass at the opposite side which will be well hidden from passerby. And that side was exactly where the handbag was.

Actually, despair not because I lost my handbag. I can buy a new one, cards and documents yes, it is going to be a hassle, but they can be recovered. The window glass will cost me RM150. But it was not the end of the world. Surprisingly I was depressed because I couldn't get home earlier to get on with my cake order, and I was really upset that the night ended that way. It was supposed to me a mission accomplished night.

I was really tired. Moral of the story is not just be careful and not leave stuff in the car. Who doesn't know? All the stories all the reminder. But I guess one go the convenient way and take things for granted. I was glad I was not mugged and perhaps I should not decline company when offered - a girl friend offered to company me to my car but I thought it's just a very short distance so better not trouble her. So imagine if I took my handbag with me and got snatched.

And another moral of the story is really DO NOT take too much order. Do not take more that what I can manage to have on my plate. To top everything, mum was so sarcastic when she found out about the incident, it was serve me right. Yes, I accepted it, I was lazy and I deserve this outcome. I take it without complaint, but mum, it really hurts and it didn't help with my future doings, if anything, I felt like being rebellious and not listen to her. Doesn't she know me better already? I guess not. And why do I even bother since I know she's going to be her no matter what.

This post is too long.

MFG and another guy friend accompanied me to the police station, the other friend drove my car while MFG led the way. My girlfriend has been there providing all the numbers for me to call the banks. Geezz... didn't realize I have got so many cards. After checking, the thief didn't use any of my cards. Later my friend drove me and my car home and MFG followed. It was really comforting. But I was REALLY tired after that, I cannot begin to describe how I felt. Anyways, I got on with preparing the cake for the next day delivery. I told my customer that there were 2 items which I cannot managed. She gave me full price when I delivered to her this morning despite having told here that I will give her a discount. MC and BILL drove me to Ikano this morning for the delivery and accompanied me which was really comforting.

I suddenly feel very "lonely". It's a strange feeling, I guess many people chose to settle down when this kind of feeling overwhelms them. MC and BIL will be moving out soon. Mum also reminded me that she will not be with me soon. MFG leaving for business trip middle of this week and well, he is never going to be "with me" anyhow.

Thanks Sweeie for the messages, though your story made me cry but it was comforting to receive message at the middle of this really quiet night.

So all in all, I feel really tired and depressed, and I think I am allowed to cry a little, finally.

Take a break?

It is easier said than done. Taking a break and relaxing have became something challenging for me lately. When there is no more official working hours, every hour and every minute is working hour for me, weekends are not off days for me and public holidays don't apply to me. The mind is constantly at work. It's really stressful, but as the wise said, stress is often self inflicted, which is so true.

I guess when you work for yourself, you really need the passion otherwise you really get tired of your "job". Although time are really flexible, but when there are deadlines, the working hours become inflexible and well, stressful! Sometimes even though the tasks have been completed, or I have gone the maximum extend for what I can physically do, the mind will not shut down, it gets soaked up with oh, so many thoughts. And I am by nature a person that thinks too much, so my current situation has given the mind even more "excuses" to think a lot...

I hope this is just a phase and I am able to live a more relaxing life soon, haha... actually, with cafe coming up, it could be worse. But on the other hand, when there is a "work place" perhaps I can draw some lines somewhere, some how...

For now, I can only have a KitKat but not really able to take a real break.

Insomnia expected

I had a dream that really wasn't logic haha... Are all dreams illogical?

I normally remember whether I dreamt but most of the time cannot remember the "content". So happen the memory was fresh and I told MC and BIL about it, so am able to recall - MFG was staying with us at our house because he was a foreigner visiting Malaysia. In my dream, it was Sunday and I was supposed to bring MFG around the next day BUT I forgot to apply for annual leave!!!

I think annual leave application must have haunted me to a certain extend, haha... and I forgot that I don't have to go to work anymore! No need to apply leave ever again, and public holidays do not apply to me, neither is medical leave.

September is actually a good month. I am getting more orders and if it wasn't because I am phobia with not being able to cope with the orders, I could have had orders on 20, 21 and 22. These are Monday to Wednesday and is consider a good arrangement since cake orders used to only come in for weekends. I declined the new order for 22nd and also rejected one for 24th earlier on. I will be so crazily busy next week for my friend's wedding on 25th, and soon after that 26th and 27th are booked too, potentially with more than just 1 order. I really need to decide what to do with those orders. To do or not to do. Figurines are taking more and more time now a days, I really need to increase the price since I am not able to take more orders.

Talking about wedding, I have a phobia that one day, MFG will ask if I can do his wedding cake. (and I don't mean the bride is me)... that would be such a devastating nightmare. At least I still feel so now... sigh.

Okay, I better go sleep. Need to "work" tomorrow. Next week is a stressful week and I can so foresee a week of insomnia!