Panick

I am a bit panicky today. Or actually it has been since last few days. It could be due to a mixture of events, or it could be PMS and work stress.

My Ally McBel habit has gone worse, so I constantly must remind myself to change those thoughts to chanting, at least have the image of amituofo instead. But the mind goes wild most of the time when I am not "aware" of it. Like today, when I was driving, I picture myself being all alone in the house working on my cake and suddenly robbers came in! I some more reasoned with myself asking whether I can tell them to take whatever they want just leave alone my documents and iPhone? Also can they leave me alone to complete my cake order?

Crazy, I know. I can't help it, it is just like when you have a nightmare, you just cannot stop the dream, it goes one.

I also notice the feeling of uncertainty kicking in hard. I have this need of having someone around me constantly, I get scared when I am alone... it scares me that I actually feel this way. What is wrong with me? Geezzz... if I cannot live alone, I need to either get married or... erm. Stay with "someone".

I suddenly longing to have a married and being leisure "tai tai" life. Someone to take care of me, and I can just bake and take orders as I wish, as a passion instead of a stressful job to have ends meet. Now I can understand how it is like dreaming to get married. Haha... but seriously. That is my new target :)

There are some really big drama happening about the project I handle and pray is the only thing I can do right now.

Cake for competition not done yet!! I have to give the demo sesson tomorrow, which I paid RM30 for, a miss.

I hope I can sleep tonight.