As part of the effort in creating some conversation topics, we've been asked about our marital status (typical Malaysian topic regardless whether it's a close contact or not) and whether we feel lonely being singles.
Although I've more to say when he asked me the same question, but to be polite and in order to just tag along with the flow of the conversation, I gave a simple "no" as my answer. But of course this was what I wanted to say...
The definition of lonely is really very vague and I will never think that this description can be used to illustrate my single-hood life. Moreover, "being alone" is something I enjoy all the time. So, whether I feel lonely or not is actually not a relevant question. On the other hand, my question would be - are we looking for a partner just because we want to solve our loneliness "problem"?
If I am lonely, say, I could go out with friends and spend time with my family, couldn't I? If, say, ALL my friends and ENTIRE family are busy and have got no time for me, I could do things on my own, couldn't I? Like going to gym, shopping (yes I like shopping "alone") or read a book (how do I handle company if I want to focus on my book?).
So you see, I really find that quite a funny question.
And I certainly do not think that a partner is a solution to loneliness. In fact, I believe in freedom and space even though we are with a partner. We still want to do things on our own most of the time. We still have our own friends and family (although we would have combined most of them). We still need to have time and space for ourselves unaccompanied.
You are right when you said you rather be alone then suffer the rest of your life being with the wrong person. I agree that it's not about us going all directions searching for "someone", it's about meeting the right person. And I feel that even meeting the right person does not mean sealing the deal. We cannot choose to grow feelings; feelings grow on their own, in their own time and own accord.
We can only expect the unexpected.
11 comments:
Wow.. this is deep...
Personally i agree with you TTB. Being alone doesn't mean is lonely. There are times I can be in a place filled with people, friends .. but i can still feel lonely.
It is not the matter of whether there are people with you, but it is the question of whether they are the right people.
:0) I see our brief sharing had been putting up in a post.
Single doesnt mean lonely. Married/Attached doesnt mean happy.
Should we be with someone just to have a company? Nuff said on that.
And, I so agreed on the closure. The feeling grow by itself. We can only expect the unexpected.
^^
MC, yeah. If one is lonely, no matter how many ppl he's being surrounded, he will still feel lonely.
Carebear, as I said, you are the one I chat most now a days. And your views and what we share do inspire me to blog most of the time ;)
I agree with you on most of the things you've mentioned. But there are times when we have to put aside our ego and take chances on someone or something.
I think the right question to ask is, is this/him/her worthy of your thoughts and time? If you know the answer, then you'll know what to do.
We sometimes don't realize how much the grass is greener on the other side because we're too consumed with what we've got now, and too afraid to let go.
So, yes, I'm all about taking chances. If you haven't already figured that out by now :P
I find most of the anon comments very inspiring... Ego is not the issue with me, most men have their ego because they cannot loose face. But normally plain gals like me, does not put ego first.
Taking chances is a good idea. But when you care for someone so much, when you value a certain relationship so much, you will tend to me more careful and not just risk the chance. Have my readers already firgured out how much thoughts I'm putting in hoping that things will work out? Can any of my reader see how much care I'm handling this relationship with? ;)
Dear Anon, How come I have a feeling that you are talking to me, instead of the blog owner? Or maybe I think too much.. ^^
Oh yeah Carebear, the letting go part is so "you". There's nothing I need to let go wo...
I know you are TTB.. but then.. i know you for decades already ^_^
I am in for taking chances too, at least you have 50% chances. If you don't take the risk.. you will have 0%.
is he worth it? Then do it. ( on taking chances that is )- KIMCHI G
It's a tough choice. Taking chances means you have a shot at making something happen. But it could very well backfire :(
So much "encourangement" and "cheering" I almost feel bad for not doing anything about my own future. ;)
Yes! I will adapt the Nike ethos - Just do it!
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